Saturday, February 22, 2014

Everyone is looking for something.

The work was done, so I sat for a moment as she was waiting for her car to come around to pick her up. "What are you up to tonight?" She asked. "I'm sure I'll just head back to my apartment and fix a drink and sit in my recliner. You?" "I've got homework due at before midnight that should probably get done" she said. Her phone rang. Her tone was at war with the words they represented as she uttered the syllables for "Its okay" " its fine" "I'm good" through gritted teeth. I could hear a mans voice on the other end trying to explain something that didn't need explaining.  "It's okay, I'll just go home."

She hung up the phone and something akin to manners compelled me to ask if she was alright. She told me about a party she was going to attend with her ex boyfriend and how much she had been looking forward to the beer pong. That shared with me a little about where she was. There is a question that keeps coming up in my mind when I find myself engaged in conversations of a serious or semi-serious nature. "What are you looking for?" I asked her. "What do you mean, 'what am I looking for'?" "Everyone is looking for something" I said. "I'm not looking for anything" she replied."Things just have a way of finding me. This job found me, and the job I'm about to quit this one for sought me out. There is nothing I am looking for. I'm just want to have a good time."
"So you're looking for thrills? Everyone is lookin for something."
"I guess so" she said. "What are you looking for?" She asked. 
Some rocks skip lightly  along the surface of the waters trying to bounce their way to another shore. I am a stone that was made for the deep.
The silence between us grew as my mind was a flood with the things that I am looking for. "Well....?" she asked.
The first word I managed to press forward was "trust" 
Information and transparency are weapons that can fairly easily be turned against a person when surrendered to the wrong hands. However, the only way that a person knows that they can trust someone is hand them the blade to see if they swing. The other words seemed to flow easier once that first one fell.
"company.... understanding.... transparency... Sacrifice."I continued.
She added "I think everyone is looking for those things, but there isn't enough of them in the world. Trust is a huge one"
"Everyone is looking for something," I echoed. " I'm looking for the things that I hope exist within me, to exist within others."
"the world doesn't have enough of those things" she said. 
"Be the change you hope to see..." I said, as I pushed my chair back in."...A pleasure talking to you"
"As always, a pleasure talking to you"

As I headed towards the stairs, I thought about how in 5 minutes we went from beer pong to a higher aspiration. From skipping stones to sinking into substance.I can see that she wants to tell me all her thoughts on life, and who God is in her head, not because she wishes to proselytize her sense about him...
But more I get the sense she's been waiting for someone to say " He's not who you think." 

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