Saturday, February 14, 2015

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. "

I've finally gotten around to watching Dr. Who. I was resistant at first because initially, I didn't care for the campy graphics. I should have gotten over that a while ago, because I've found that I can actually relate to a great deal of it. A story about a troubled man who had a rough isolated upbringing and had to cope with significant loss in regards to family, generally running from problems, actually helps people but is often hated for it and classified as an enemy. He likes to travel, is often very clever but also can be very rude.. is often very sorrowful for a loss of a woman that he loved but is grateful she found someone much like him that makes her happy. Yeah, it rings true. Sometimes painfully so. Sure there are variances such as I wouldn't be so anti- gun, I'm bad with math, and also... I can't fly through space and time but those are minor details in the grand scheme.

Actually, I did sort of do a little time traveling recently. On facebook I've been writing a bit about stuff that has been coming up in the back of my mind. Old memories and hardships. I wrote a little bit about some of the bits of trouble that I had in school, regarding one of the many bullies that used to torment me. I couldn't make a move without this kid making fun of me, and getting others to make fun of me. I couldn't draw pictures alone without him making fun of my drawings. He's make fun of how I dressed, how I talked and just take full advantage of every opportunity to get a jab in. I never forgot his name. I looked him up out of curiosity. I wanted to know, did he stay a monster or did he become something else. I found him and so, I sent him a message and all it said was:

"I remember you."

I wasn't sure what direction that the conversation was going to take, or how I was going to react if he hadn't changed. The conversation started out with confirmations, that he was the right person, and yeah I was that kid with the awful MacGyver haircut ( I don't Exactly fault him for making fun of that).  The conversation developed a little more and there was an apology. A real apology for the way he treated me as a kid. In my heart, it wasn't about me. It wasn't about all the wrong that I endured. The apology opened a door for me to love a little easier as I saw that somewhere along the way, This man acknowledged that the way and manner in which he conducted himself was appalling and he changed. In his apology, I loved him as a reclaimed brother.

There are parallels through out the Bible about forgiveness, and not holding grudges. Passages like "You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord."

Joseph looking like an Egyptian after his "regeneration" from "the dead" looked at his brothers and wept and loved them because he knew that they were no longer what they were.
It gives you a birds eye view on repentance and the mercy of God. We're tyrants. We're bullies. We're awful in regards to treating people well, and we're the absolute worst when it comes to how we treat God. He gave me a glimpse of the Joy one can feel when that change is recognized. "You know not to do the thing. You've beaten the thing. You're not going to perpetuate the volumes of cycles of affliction on others because you've turned from the thing. It is not a cause for shame, but of triumph... because you are free from the thing"

An apology is a powerful thing. It isn't wielded by the haughty, it is exemplified in humility. I told this man how happy I am that he has a wife and kids and that life is blessed for him. I even remembered a kid that I used to pick on now and again. I've looked him up to apologize.
Traveling through time, hopefully changing a little of the future.