I think God is amazing. I really do.
I wrote a post on history or backstory that was mostly just thinking aloud at one in the morning.
I had a touch of the insomnia and I knew I couldn't sleep until I was done.
As my eyes strained to adjust from the darkness into the focus of the bright white light of the screen, The initial though of what I was going to write about shifted into another direction.
God brought into my mind a retelling of where he has brought me. Where he hasn't left me, and what we are working on now.
After it all poured out of my heart, and I felt enough rest to get some rest, I laid my head down to sleep. I closed my eyes and said aloud "God, if you want, bring restoration"
The next morning when I had awoken, I saw that my phone had a missed call from someone outlined in that writing the night before.
I admit, my heart paused for a second as my mind flipped through a Rolodex of my past actions wondering what I could have done now. Why was he calling? What sin had I performed now.
I didn't have the minutes to check the message and knew that in a short while I would be headed to a meeting where this man was.
I girded up my loins like a man ( book of job style) and readied myself for the venture.
In that moment, I saw a glimpse of the person I thought I had lost. Moving to contact. No matter how bad whatever you think is coming, you face it head on.
My ride showed up not too much later than that and I piled into his van. We rode on to what was supposed to be a small gathering. A closed doors meeting of a small few for the sake of a minor fellowship.
Much to my surprise there were many I knew when I walked through the door. A remnant of a body I was once ascribed.
I made small talk and offered a few heartfelt joke with some of the men that I hadn't seen in a time as still, more people shuffled in.
Eventually the man whose call I had missed due to not having minutes on my phone came in.
He looked well. In some of the best spirits I have seen him in a long time. After he got situated he took a seat next to me on the couch he whispered that he needed to talk to me eventually.
people took their places, and a guitar was brought out. A man sang a song about inviting the savior in for fellowship.
Then in a moment, the leader, the one who had called, the one who had spoken to me prior, stops things in a sense of urgent emotion. He tells the crowd that God has laid something on his heart, and it needs to be addressed before anything else goes forward.
Then... God whispered to me.
He said " You're up"
And no sooner had I said "wut?" in my soul, the man had stood and asked me to stand.
He told the people about how I had hurt. He confessed about how his actions had hurt me and asked for my forgiveness. I bit my lip to hold back a stead flow of emotion that welled up in me.
IT would have been much to have only said he knows the pain I felt.
It would have been much to say that he knows that he hurt me.
To ask me to forgive him though....
how could I not?
Something hurtful in my heart died.
A pain I knew in the darkness was silent.
I wondered if this is what it felt for Joseph as his brothers told of the anguish they felt, and how he knew that they regretted hurting another.
I saw a piece of the division die in that moment.
As he stood and proclaimed that as a leader, If we are to be serious about the word of God, and that love keeps no record of wrongs, He must make it right.
as he stood and spoke I knew that I could follow him again. I knew that I was not only willing to follow him, but I was able.
It was good because I have come to understand my place. My place in rank is not at the top. It isn't to be the highest. I need someone that I can submit to. TO give direction.
like a sheep that wanders... I was found. God fixed the hearts.
I'm amazed. I am amazed and grateful.
God is a God of restoration.
As it is with all things dead or dying. Lay them at the foot of the cross for rest or resurrection.