Sunday, June 2, 2013

To all the friends I've lost.

I'm sorry.  

I'm sorry that we aren't still friends.  I'm sorry that you felt that there were things in my life or yours that we couldn't work through. 
I regret that at times, my depression was heavy. 
I know I leaned on some of you more than I should have. My burden wasn't for you to carry. 

I look back over our friendships.... my old friends, my former friends. I grieve over much of what was lost. 
Friends I've called brother.  

Brothers I've stood before God with in praise, and served with. 
I'm sorry for all the times that I wasn't a better reflection of his character. I'm sorry for the moments when my pride won out over my spirit and I spoke to you in anger of flesh. 

I know that I hurt some of you. 
I pray that you forgive me for that. 

I'm not going to make excuses for not being better or stronger, or anything like that. 
I'm not going to justify what happened. 

I miss you old friends.

There were times, in our friendships, each one of them that I sacrificed for you, and you sacrificed for me.  There were times when we fought and yelled, and screamed, and it was ugly... 
...and then we healed and were stronger in the fresh air of honesty.

That is what I thought.  
Perhaps, I had just pushed you a little further to the edge each time. 

Forgive me, if you are able for my times of vanity. Forgive me for my times of pride. 
Forgive me if you are able, and May God watch over your travels. 

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