Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Pioneer.

I like that show, The Walking Dead. 

It isn't so much about the gruesome zombies as it is the portrayal of people trying to retain or in some cases regain their sense of humanity in the most grueling and inhumane circumstances. 
For seasons now, I've watched characters grow, and fall, and fail, and strive to be something stronger and better than they once were and in this, I relate. In it, I see a people that once took life for granted, fighting daily to keep hold of it.  A people that struggle to fight a sense of safety and security among a constant threat and in many cases, clever enemies. Isn't that just us? Aren't each of us trying our hardest to not get bitten by the world and succumb to the mindless hatred that is so often inflicted upon us?  Aren't we all struggling for safety? Aren't we all looking for the few people we can trust so life doesn't tear into our back while we're distracted or weak?

I grew up with an apocalyptic mind. It isn't hard when you turn corners and you lose loved ones, friends, safety, security.  Instead of wondering what could happen in the world, I started to just bet on the worst case scenario and was not often surprised. That, my friends, is a really sucky way to live. There isn't much love in that either. It's cold. It's awkward and it is isolating. Happiness is such a foreign concept in this frame of mind, because if you have something, it can be taken from you. When you are constantly expecting the worst from a situation, you're always expecting the worst from people. It's a way to stay alive, but it is no way to live.  I'm reminded of the Warning of the Messiah that says "because of lawlessness, the love of many will grow cold"

Boldness was a trait of mine that I remember from when I was a very young boy. Somewhere along the way, it was suppressed and that sense of adventure was cast into  very deep dormant state. I fully believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to, and I have had countless people tell me that over the years. The draw back was that there was still this remnant of old thinking, I don't want to do anything, because what is the point of building an empire to have it toppled? Why make a mark on history when it all seems so futile? I don't have a pressing need to not be forgotten in grand scheme of the greater sense, it just isn't me. I've had people in my life tell em to be someone, and others say be someone else,  and all this did was foster in my mind a desire to be nobody in particular, least of all myself.

All of this is to say that I'm in a great place right now. I moved across the country on two months notice. My rent is paid through the end of the year. I have money in the back, and a full fridge.  I'm awake. I'm alive. I feel as though I have crossed over into an uncharted territory where I feel like a pioneer. There is so much possibility here. There is so little negativity here... so far.
Failure didn't even cross my mind coming here, but as where I am from there were handfuls of people that told me I was making a horrible mistake. I feel like I have met the eye of the bear, and I can wrestle the beast to the ground. I see an endless string of possibilities and I'm not the least bit intimidated by any of them.  I'm building a happiness, carving it out of the land.  I've got a plan and by God's gracious provision I will prevail. I have regained my boldness, and I have remembered what it means to be mighty. I am not shackled by recollections of sadness, I am educated by them and I am free from their repetitions. I don't see bad road and broken relationships here, I see unwritten pages to be ascribed with promise and the ability to laugh at adversity. I'll love strong. I'll laugh at awkwardness because it's funny and it doesn't define a person.
" The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance to the full, till it overflows".

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