A Memorandum.

A comedian died.
He lost the war in the battle for his life.
I've read some that have said he made a choice and that it was selfish.
I have read others that have stated that it is the nature of a disease.

The Death of this comedian has effected me.
In what way, you might ask... since I never knew him personally. I've merely enjoyed his work and his films.... It isn't like we played cards on the weekends or even so much as ever shared a cab.

Well,  I knew his fight. I know the solitude and the disconnect that occurs sometimes.The nature of depression. I know it as both an non-believer and as a man of faith.   There is something that he fought against, with a vigor that people struggle to define. The deep sorrow. He made millions laugh, and I am sure to some degree, that was all that he was known for to many.  I know that I have a God given talent for laughter and some have even described it as a near super power. They've said that I have the ability to effect the mood of an entire room. They would say that I could brighten the world on even the down-est moments. They also were upset when it worked the other way. They would be upset when I was in grief or sorrow, because others would not feel that contagious happiness that I could often share. I felt, disconnected.
Like some how I was no allowed to feel the things that people feel. Just as someone might see a prostitute as an object for the feeling or sensation that they could derive from her, I have often felt that way with humor. My intellect dismissed. My advice, disregarded. Why? Because they only wanted to see someone who made them laugh so therefore all that I had to offer was considered a joke.

This comedian, His war...  He could see the silent hand that pulls so many people under. He could stand n the balance between light and darkness and have the boldness to try and call people to laugh. Some saw that as entertainment. I saw it as combat. He fought hard. He fought well.  As one article put it, he helped thousands of people have a respite from how miserable this world can be. He gave them a break from the madness.

There are so many people that want to turn a blind eye to the madness. They would rather numb themselves to it than let it make them uncomfortable. From discomfort comes action and reaction. I myself struggle with the scope of awareness that I hold. To shut all things out makes me numb and paralyzed, which is part of what I damages people to start with. To embrace everything is to be so heartbroken that you can't even put on pants.

I often tell people that I see too much. That I've seen too much.
Most people know me as the man that shows up, when their wife walked out on them, when their mom died, When they've lost their job, when they're hurting and their suffering and they down in the mud.
I show up because being there is love. Showing up is a form of combat.
My heart gets heavy with the palpable darkness in life, and I fight to be something/ someone that I know the world needs. A faithful friend and brother.
It's Ironic that all this is coming from a guy with trust issues I suppose.

The other day I poured some of this out on the phone with my brother. He listened and he didn't try to suggest fixing anything. That was refreshing. There wasn't a list of things to try harder at, or to do more that would translate in my mind to having said that the suffering and despair I feel sometimes is a justified and deserving result of not being better in some way shape or form. Because in essence I was on the phone with him for at least forty five minutes  crying as I stated that I am at war, and I am fighting, and there is proverbial blood that pours from the wounds inside and though I am mighty and though I am strong, I am weak and somethings broken.

By listening to my heart, and my words  and demanding nothing.. his actions were soothing. His actions stated that I matter, and he requested nothing of me in recognition of that fact. I matter because I do. Not I'd matter if only, or I'd be better if.
I cried, on the phone, at work, in the office as I let myself feel some pains that I've held back.
I mentioned how hard this verse hits me:

"But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.” 1kings 19:4

I admit that there are times in my life that I have prayed that God would take me. There are days and times when I've been broken down and felt so overwhelmingly alone.
Many of these times, I confess, have been in crowded rooms... Some of them churches.
I read something today that resounded with truth.

"We won’t give you some cliche – but something to cling to — and that will mean our hands.
We won’t give you some platitudes — but some place for your pain — and that will mean our time.
We won’t give you some excuses — but we’ll be some example — and that will mean bending down and washing your wounds. Wounds that we don’t understand, wounds that keep festering, that don’t heal, that down right stink — wounds that can never make us turn away.

Because we are the Body of the Wounded Healer and we are the people who believe the impossible — that wounds can be openings to the beauty in us."


I hold strong to the belief that Light is stronger than darkness and Good will ultimately prevail over Evil.
I fight ugliness daily, within others and within my own self.
The death of this comedian threw me a little bit. He fought for 63 years, and then fell.
That is more than half of what I've got.



Solitude, By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

    Weep, and you weep alone;

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

    But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

    Sigh, it is lost on the air;

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

    But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

    Grieve, and they turn and go;

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

    But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

    Be sad, and you lose them all,—

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

    But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

    Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

    But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

    For a large and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

    Through the narrow aisles of pain.

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The Spiritual application of Coke and Diet Coke

In my last post I started what I hoped to be a series of posts intended on helping those in, or attempting to understand the messianic movement.  I touched on the frustrations with some in the Messianic movement with our brothers and sisters in the Christian Church. I wrote about how those frustrations must not be allowed to take a root and spring into bitterness and self righteous anger.

Tonight I want to touch on something else that I see, as a caution to my brothers and sisters.

There is a mindset that tends to permeate with those who come out of a predominantly protestant background when they begin to study the first half of their Bibles.  Once a believer discovers that 1) there is this thing that is called the Torah 2) it is for us, who believe in the Savior, what we often see is a complete submersion into the Torah and the idea takes hold that the Torah and the Messiah are the same.
They are not.
There are many who would read that last line and just stop, close the page without seeking the context in which I differentiate. Yes, The Torah is God's self disclosure to the world. Yes, the Savior is that word made flesh. Yes, that is the definition of what righteousness IS and Is not...
However, I submit that the Torah ... though the path of the Messiah, though the foot prints of those who wish to follow in the ways of the Messiah, Though the Torah is Holy, Righteous and Good... It is not the same

Most of you remember when you were kids, or you have kids... and you tell them to do something like, pick up all the things off the floor in their room. You walk in and there is absolutely nothing on the floor of their room, because they have thrown it on the chair, the bed, the dog, the bookshelf.
Technically, they complied with what your directive was, even though your mind was telling them to clean their room or put all the stuff on the floor where it goes.

The Torah is God's set of instructions to His children and His bride.
The Messiah, Is the proper interpretation of that set of instructions.
Messiah =/= Torah
Messiah > Torah.

Take for example, Coke and diet Coke.  Made by the same manufacturer, both have caffeine. Both come in a can usually. They look similar. However, diet coke is an impression of the regular coke. It taste similar but not quite right with a strange aftertaste.  It's coke that is missing something...
In my opinion, it's coke that is missing the point of coke.
I won't eve touch on the counterfeit doctrine of Pepsi, and yes this is a joke.

... like the flavor of Pepsi, but I digress.

There are many who come into the Messianic movement and they become so zealous for the Torah, so Zealous against Sin, that they they tend to lose sight of the attributes of the Messiah that emphasized patience, mercy, love, compassion, gentleness, long suffering, Joy...
Many of these people, even within Messianic Circles, earn the nickname Torah Terrorists. They'll spring up and commit a spiritual malpractice by administering a lethal dose of truth without checking a patients chart or clearing it with the attending physician upstairs.

Consider the charge of Yeshua/ Jesus against the Pharisees  Matthew 23:23:
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.

Now I believe we can get a deeper insight into some of this same mindset, again from the Savior, in his rebuke of the CHURCH of Ephesus in revelation 2:

“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: The One who holds the seven stars in His right hand, the One who walks among the seven golden lampstands, says this:

‘I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to be false;

and you have perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary.

‘But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

‘Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent."

If you are new to the ways of Torah as they pertain to the Messiah, I would caution you right here that the entire point of the Torah is to show you how to live as the Messiah lives.... The focus is the Messiah. The emphasis is the Messiah. Don't get into that mindset of " I have spent so much time in the church studying the gospels, now I have had enough of that, I am now going to focus on each individual commandment"


... that my friend, my brother or sister, that is an error. That is not balance. That is going from far left field to far right field.

The Torah says to love your neighbor, The SAVIOR tells us that pretty much every man woman and child we meet, even our enemies... they are our neighbor. Without the Messiah's proper interpretation of the Torah, The hard hearted stiff necked man would only be nice to the people on either side of his house.
I don't want the caffeine free, sugarless, diet with a funny aftertaste version of what God wants for me...
I want the FULL flavor of his purpose and intentions for my heart. Better yet, I want that bottled imported doctrine that is made with real sweetness that I can share with someone on a particularly nasty summer day.

The Torah didn't die for my sins, but one who followed it Perfectly Did. I love them both.

I just love one more. 

You Mad Bro?

This is what I hope to be the first post in a series of posts geared towards those in, or interested in understanding, the Messianic movement
A Messianic help guide. #1
.
A little tiny bit of background.
A long time ago in a land far far away ( actually it was probably about 30 minutes from the pace I type this) I had my first encounter with a Messianic community. I had attended Christian churches for years and there were issues in doctrine that I did not see as being in fluid harmony with the entirety of scripture.
God led me to a church to help show me the answers that I had been missing in relation to the holes in doctrine and the cohesion of scripture. I saw a body that prayed together in service. I saw a body that had teaching, and the vast majority of congregants had their bibles out to see not only if what the man behind the pulpit was teaching was true, but they were also given an opportunity to share scriptures and passages that helped build upon the message that was being conveyed.
I hadn't much seen that in a regular service.

I admit, after a time of studying for myself what the word had said, and seeing the faulty logic of some of the christian churches that I love, and people that I love as it did not line up with the fullness of biblical integrity...
I became bitter and angry at the church.
1) for never teaching me the fullness of the scriptures from the start
2) in some circumstances, mocking the very scriptures that my heart loves.
3) disregard of God's commands for sake of traditions, specifically the removal or revision of the 4th commandment from "God's Sabbath" to "the sabbath of the Jews" or " take A sabbath"

Now if you are new to the Messianic movement.... I would caution you on some of these points.
I would warn many of you who come in this movement to either try not to get stuck here, or if possible, avoid the anger and the bitterness all together.  In fact, God ended up using a pastor that I love very much from the christian church to point out the fact that I was harboring bitterness against the church.... something that is not of the Messiah.

For those of you reading this who are not part of the movement, you may have experienced someone like the way I was... or, if I've know you long enough you remember the way that I was.
If the bible is a sword.... wielding it without training is going to hurt a lot of people. Think about the scriptures like a scalpel. It is an instrument intended to be wielded by a surgeon for the purposes of healing.... without that training its just a knife that is going to scar people and possibly take their life.

There are many of us that come to the Messianic understanding of the role of the Torah in the life of believers in the Savior. Many of us come out of the world, into the christian church, and then through Gods direction and deep study we wind up in the Messianic understanding.

Too many of us come into this movement angry.
Too many of us, instead of loving our neighbor as ourselves, get angry at our neighbor for not following the commands of God.
Too often, we say  we don't have to love our neighbor, because our neighbor doesn't love God with their actions and therefore they are my enemy...

.... But the Messiah said we are to love our enemies too.

Too often, we come into this movement with this anger that isn't focused on US doing what GOD has told US to do... but instead, being MAD about THEM not doing what GOD told US to show them how to do.

There is even a Messianic site that post scriptures and references on facebook that often posts a lot of really good and positive things...
... and then there is that one issue...    They get mad at people who go to church on sunday.
Now we know from scripture that the Sabbath is on the 7th day and all that. We know that the Sabbath is not on Sunday....
|...but beyond that, there is nothing wrong with meeting together to hold a church service on sunday. It isn't the sabbath, but there isn't anything wrong with meeting on sunday and praising and worshiping God.
It isn't the Holy convocation that God stated is His day in Lev. 23....   But it is also not something that is evil.
I would doubt that those people would be up in arms about a tuesday night bible study... same concept.
So, there in many of their posts there is this subtle aggression based on friction and resistance that I am sure that they experienced when they left the Christian church.... A type of unspoken grudge that many of these people have... but here's the problem...

You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD.- Lev 19:18


Some people, seeking still to justify themselves might be inclined to say in their hearts " But who is my neighbor?"

"But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 30 Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. 31 Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. 32 So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. 34 He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” 37 He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”


Love yourself, Love your neighbor, love your enemy, love the levite, love the priest and love the samaritan all the people who don't do the things the way that you do them ( or are supposed to do them)


As an example for Messianics everywhere... we must as a people let go of the aggression we held against the church. Most churches follow more Torah without knowing the Torah than many of the churches that know Torah. Does that mean that they are without fault? By no means. Does it mean that we should extend grace and humility as we pray for our brothers and sisters that have not received a fuller revelation of the fullness of all scripture as being for the believer? Yes.

Preach the way of the Master by being a beacon of His loving compassion. Let the Holy Spirit do the job of the Holy Spirit.  Don't try and make man in your image. Trust me on that one. I've been a tyrant about some of these things in the past.

Don't read this one

This post contains censored swearwords.


I remember one time I was in a place of reflection and being broken hearted. I was in this very raw and broken awe of God, His grace, and His mercy.

I remember I said something controversial and provocative that drew a lot of backlash.
I said "Jesus only died for the F*** ups"

It had some people absolutely appalled. How vile a thing to say. How uncouth an utterance.

Yeah, it was devoid of tact. Yeah, there are dozens of different ways that I could have conveyed it...

yet,  there I was sitting in reflection of that undeserved mercy with the heaviness of all that is my sin and my failures pressing deep on my heart so hard that I felt like it was crushing me,
Disgusting by a moral standard having fallen down and ran away and hidden and touted my proud face and angry words.....

I'd F*** up.

... and he still died to redeem me.

The bible states that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.


For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  being justified as a gift by His grace...
 through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus;
 whom God displayed publicly as a propitiation in His blood through faith.
 This was to demonstrate His righteousness,
because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed;
 for the demonstration, I say, of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just
and the justifier
of the one who has faith in Jesus
- Romans 3


"Have faith," The man dying for me had said, "And I WILL make you something NEW"


We live in a broken world, with hurt people who want blood. We often look out at the broken people and we want to break them even more for how we have been hurt by them....

.... and then there is this man, dying for us, while we ourselves were/are/are going to be, F*** ups.

He says, "You want to help me heal the world?"

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’
 But I say to you,
 do not resist an evil person;
but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.
 If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.
Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.
 Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.


And there is the definition of perfection....
I can tell you in the year(s) since I initially made that post,

.... I'm still pretty lousy at Mercy and Grace and Loving my enemies.
When I feel wronged I get loud and I yell and I tell all the people about how wrong it was.....
....and I don't love enough.
... I don't fix enough.
I don't die enough....
I still get pretty indignant and F*** things up for myself and others. In my flesh, I perpetuate the brokenness of society.
I become part of the problem instead of a reflection of a solution.
That one sentence... That one controversial sentence... contained the stark contrast of mans vulgarity and God's compassion.

Counterfeits.

Every other day this week it would seem that there was an earthquake. If you were to absorb the news that is coming through the tv or radio or the web its talking about wars.  One country is invading another country, This country will not negotiate with that country, this country violated that countries sovereign airspace.

I started thinking about the end.
I began thinking about Evil , and how it runs its course.

To be honest, when I used to think of the end of days I figured it looks something like Detroit in riot. There would be cars burning and trash blowing around, people running down a two lane road screaming as they tried to elude a wild mob of cannibal rapists or something. Also, there would be lava spewing out of the ground that for whatever reason everyone is just ignoring.


 But...  

Isaiah 14 talks about Lucifers fall from Heaven:

“How you have fallen from heaven,
O star of the morning, son of the dawn!
You have been cut down to the earth,
You who have weakened the nations!
13 “But you said in your heart,
‘I will ascend to heaven;
I will raise my throne above the stars of God,
And I will sit on the mount of assembly
In the recesses of the north.
14 ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.’



the Devil had ambitions to make himself  like the Most High..
He's a liar, a thief and deceiver.

To the knowing eye evil is a very clear cut and dry thing.
To the man who sets his ambitions on self exultation, evil looks close enough to good.

Believers,
We HAVE GOT to be more discerning.

It is not well to say that something has good therefore it IS good, because the adversary is a counterfeiter.

I was thinking about how often in our lives we are so embracing of lies because WE say in our hearts, that THIS is good.... instead of looking at what GOD says is good, and what is evil

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness;
Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
And clever in their own sight!

Therefore, as a tongue of fire consumes stubble
And dry grass collapses into the flame,
So their root will become like rot and their blossom blow away as dust;
For they have rejected the law of the Lord of hosts
And despised the word of the Holy One of Israel.

Think about where we're at.  The world of the adversary is one of appearances and lies
We call lusts, love. A counterfeit.
We call greed, blessings. A counterfeit.
We call truth, bondage. A counterfeit.
We call life, a choice. A counterfeit.
We worship God in the ways of the pagan, and we say it is a sin to keep His Feasts and Festivals.  A counterfeit


Now we request you, brethren, with regard to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him, 2 that you not be quickly shaken from your composure or be disturbed either by a spirit or a message or a letter as if from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord has come. 3 Let no one in any way deceive you, for it will not come unless the apostasy comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, 4 who opposes and exalts himself above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, displaying himself as being God.
.

Now how are we to know the way that is false, if we do not know from the scripture, what way is true?

 For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work; only he who now restrains will do so until he is taken out of the way. 8 Then that lawless one will be revealed whom the Lord will slay with the breath of His mouth and bring to an end by the appearance of His coming; 9 that is, the one whose coming is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders, 10 and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved. 11 For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false, 12 in order that they all may be judged who did not believe the truth, but took pleasure in wickedness.



So, what do we do with all that seems good?
Test it according to the scriptures that we may see if it is in fact good, or an illusion.
Because there is a way of a man that seems like wisdom, but in the end leads to destruction.

Pray, earnestly, and honestly. Then do.

John 13:36 Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, where are You going?”
 Jesus answered, “Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will follow later.”
37 Peter said to Him, “Lord, why can I not follow You right now? I will lay down my life for You.”
 38 Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for Me?
Truly, truly, I say to you, a rooster will not crow until you deny Me three times.


Believer, take a minute to prayerfully ask yourself if you are Peter.


Are you laying down your wants and your wills and your desired plans for how you want to establish your life and your empire and your crusades against the darkness to win souls to Christ  so that all people will know how spiritual you are and how Holy you are and how much you love God....
.... and are you dying, for Him.

" I WILL lay down my life for you" He said.

and our gracious and loving, Merciful and wise Savior asked,
"Will you?"

as if to say, Will you not only stop your breath but will you stop your self indulgence and self reliance and will you lay down YOUR life, for me?

Yeshuah ( Jesus) Knowing that this is one of the men that wouldn't stay awake and pray with him
Knowing that this man would be embarrassed to be seen with Him.
He asks that question that He asks us each day....

"Will you? Will you lay down your life for me?"


Will you look at the Word of God, and say... that isn't for me.  Will you read about the way our Savior walks, and say, That's not what I like?  Will you pick up your cross and die to your self and follow Him, representing that sacrifice of selfish flesh.... and obey the commands of the Father who sent His Son to save you from death and rebellion?





If we cannot stand for righteousness in times of peace,
How can we stand for anything in times of war.

Peter failed.
Our Savior restored him.
From that moment on Peter laid down his life for God until they killed him.

Be the Peter that was living like Christ.

Everyone is looking for something.

The work was done, so I sat for a moment as she was waiting for her car to come around to pick her up. "What are you up to tonight?" She asked. "I'm sure I'll just head back to my apartment and fix a drink and sit in my recliner. You?" "I've got homework due at before midnight that should probably get done" she said. Her phone rang. Her tone was at war with the words they represented as she uttered the syllables for "Its okay" " its fine" "I'm good" through gritted teeth. I could hear a mans voice on the other end trying to explain something that didn't need explaining.  "It's okay, I'll just go home."

She hung up the phone and something akin to manners compelled me to ask if she was alright. She told me about a party she was going to attend with her ex boyfriend and how much she had been looking forward to the beer pong. That shared with me a little about where she was. There is a question that keeps coming up in my mind when I find myself engaged in conversations of a serious or semi-serious nature. "What are you looking for?" I asked her. "What do you mean, 'what am I looking for'?" "Everyone is looking for something" I said. "I'm not looking for anything" she replied."Things just have a way of finding me. This job found me, and the job I'm about to quit this one for sought me out. There is nothing I am looking for. I'm just want to have a good time."
"So you're looking for thrills? Everyone is lookin for something."

"I guess so" she said. "What are you looking for?" She asked. 

Some rocks skip lightly  along the surface of the waters trying to bounce their way to another shore. I am a stone that was made for the deep.
The silence between us grew as my mind was a flood with the things that I am looking for. "Well....?" she asked.

The first word I managed to press forward was "trust" 

Information and transparency are weapons that can fairly easily be turned against a person when surrendered to the wrong hands. However, the only way that a person knows that they can trust someone is hand them the blade to see if they swing. The other words seemed to flow easier once that first one fell.
"company.... understanding.... transparency... Sacrifice."I continued.
She added "I think everyone is looking for those things, but there isn't enough of them in the world. Trust is a huge one"
"Everyone is looking for something," I echoed. " I'm looking for the things that I hope exist within me, to exist within others."
"the world doesn't have enough of those things" she said. 

"Be the change you hope to see..." I said, as I pushed my chair back in."...A pleasure talking to you"

"As always, a pleasure talking to you"

As I headed towards the stairs, I thought about how in 5 minutes we went from beer pong to a higher aspiration. From skipping stones to sinking into substance.I can see that she wants to tell me all her thoughts on life, and who God is in her head, not because she wishes to proselytize her sense about him...
But more I get the sense she's been waiting for someone to say " He's not who you think." 

If I had a daughter...

If I had a daughter, I'd buy her dresses and shower her with attention. I'd hope to maker her feel like she is special and give her my love and affection. I'd carry her home from the hospital and I'd watch her sleep. I lay down my life without so much as a peep.
If I had a daughter I'd pray for her every single day. That she'd remember the wisdom that I'd attempt to live on display. That she'd grow up wise, not just smart as some people do. She'd see most mistakes before she made them or carried them through.  I'd teach her to be careful when carrying thing, and each day let her know the joy that her smile brings.  I tickle her to hear her uproarious laughter and stand between her and disaster. I would safeguard her innocence and teach her of integrity, teach her to grow in the ways of God and what it means to truly be free. I'd teach her of sin, and what it means to be right. That the way to defeat shadows is to remain in the light. I'd teach her what Peace means to the soul, at the same breakfast table lined with cereal bowls. I'd teach her that women are warriors and the ways they wage war. How to fight, what to fight, and what is worth fighting for.
If I had a daughter I would teach her about boys. The things that make them stupid, and how they can consider girls as toys. I'd tell her of her worth, about honor and praise. Teach her not to succumb to the temptations flesh craves. I would educate her about finding an honest and true man. Not a boy that breaks a heart just because he can.  I'd teach her that some days will be lonely waiting for some worthy guy. That there are many brands of poison appealing to the eye. I'd teach her that the body is a temple to not be given away, and to not listen to the words that any snakes may say. I'd tell her that love has the power to heal a soul or devastatingly destroy, and is a sacred thing that should not be shared with just any old boy.
If I had a daughter I'd evaluate the man of her choice. His style, his dress, do I hear godliness in his voice?
Is he a pansy, a thinker, a bruiser looking for a fight? I'd teach her that discernment isn't right and wrong, its right and almost right.
If I had a daughter I'd want to trust that I'd raised funny and sweet, and that these types of features would attract the man I'd meet. She'd grow to have opinions and she'd argue with me, and i'd cave when I'm wrong eventually.  I'd weep when I held her, all the days of her life this wonderful product of love I'd made with my wife. She'd teach me about God by the way of the Father's hand, and it would break and re-enforce me in ways I do not yet understand.  From the moment she'd be announced, to the moment I'm dead, love, laughter, peace, dread,terror, and hope would forever swirl in my head.

Yet every time I am reclined and she'd come lay on my chest, I would thank God for my child and count myself a man blessed.

Auto Trader.

When I was younger I remember buying my first car. I didn't go to a dealer or craigslist or any sort of used car lot. No, I turned to my brother who at the time, I was sharing an apartment with. I paid him $500 bucks, and in return, I received the title to a 4 door 1975 Plymouth Valiant. It was parked in our apartment complex for a while because my brother wanted to impress girls so he bought an Acura Integra. The car was smurf blue, the paint was faded and missing in some places. The interior was ripped and torn and was held together with safety pins.  There was a dent in the back bumper from being hit with a backhoe.

I looked at the car, and I saw both what it was currently and then I saw what it was created as and, could be again. I took it to the mechanic and he told me the reason it wasn't starting was that the distributor had issues. Once I got that fixed I started her up and she would roar. She may not have looked like much but she had a slant 6 engine in it that roared like a lion. I once raced my brother all the way home from his work, against his Acura flying down the freeway maneuvering this tank with precision and admittedly a hair of youthful recklessness. It resulted in a tie as we both reached the driveway about the same time.
Some of my absolute best memories were had with this car.

I had another car/truck/thing that I purchased years later. It was an Izusu Amigo that was missing the back that I purchased from an impound lot. It had this nasty carpet that was in the back that someone had laid in there, and zip tied it to the seat backs. I pulled all that out of there and kinda converted the thing into a small truck with the help of my old roommate. I bought some roll bars and some high beams, because when I saw the car/truck/thing I didn't see what it was, I saw what I could make it into. It ran well and I had so much fun with my friend Matt as we gave a seriously custom paintjob for about $3.95, in our best attempt at cammo.

I ended up selling the Amigo and getting the 1965 ford galaxy 500. This thing was a glutton. I was spending $78.00 to fill up the gas tank, and this was years ago when gas was cheaper.

Earlier I was talking to a man about a pickup truck that has a LOT of miles on it and it has a dent in the back passengers side, and one of the two gas tanks has a burned out fuel pump.... but this truck is for sale.
I told him I am interested.  He got in and he started the engine up and it roared a mighty roar.  He looked at me kind of confused at my interest and he told me that it was a piece of crap. I told him, that it has its flaws but it has character.  The scratches tell stories, and though it may have some issues to work out, it has much value.

... and I said all of that to get to the heart of the this post.

Some of us people, need our carburetors cleaned, and others may need their engines overhauled...
... and though most of us have had accidents that have totaled us...
Or have been blindsided by circumstances in life that were beyond our control...
... though some of us may be missing parts....
In the eyes of our Creator, we are never without value, purpose or worth. We are never so far beyond His restoration.

HE is the only one with the parts to do it. HE is the only one with owners manual.


Jeremiah 30:17
‘For I will restore you to health
And I will heal you of your wounds,’ declares the Lord,
‘Because they have called you an outcast, saying:
“It is Zion; no one cares for her.”’


Isaiah 61:7,
Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.

Psalm 51:10,12
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.

Acts 3:19-21
Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago.


Your value and worth as a person is not dined by someone who has used you when you are shinny and new only to toss you aside for a newer model. Your worth isn't stated in a social consensus. The only person that can tell you/ show you your worth is God. Less kelly blue book and more Lambs book. The only fulfillment to be found is with the mechanic Christ.


Smurfette kinda looked like this:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d9/Plymouth_Valiant_1970.jpg

This was the Isuzu.



The Ford Galaxy 500

The Good Book.

"Out of abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" 

Wisdom I read in a book once. A book that taught me truths about myself before I ever knew them. It warned me of mistakes that I would make, and it testified to it's validity once I'd made them.  It taught me to listen at a time when the voice of pain within me was screaming loudly within me. It taught me to listen beyond myself, To the muted cries of other souls within themselves.

And out of abundance of the heart, The mouth speaks.


I read this, semi-self help book, once. The author was telling me to be on guard. He said to guard my heart, and he told me to guard my words. He said something about taking the thoughts captive too. The thoughts are like seeds scattered on the soil, and should you plant them in the soil of your mind, they will take root....

...and you will reap a harvest. 

I read this book with some friends once. We bonded over the whole connection of head and heart working in unison as God Himself designed. I know a lot of people who have either the head or the heart but not both.
There is are pages in this book, and they talk about one who wanted to be God, and he failed. He fell. He convinced others to fall.  I imagine him saying something to the matter of "If I cannot be seen as God, then I will destroy all that bears His image" 

In this book I'm reading, It tells me things that I've understood before I ever read them. It writes of a history of men, who do not know wisdom. Men who do not know to guard their thoughts. Who have left no watchman on the wall to their hearts.  I have seen these brothers... sisters... fathers.... friends... strangers....  I have watch them empty all that once resembled wisdom, or all that may have been defined as love. I watch their hearts fill with words of hatred. 

.... and out of abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

Consumed, they've become. So much of their life is filled with railing against a God that they do not believe.

And when I see, with true eyes, I wonder if this is just a sliver of the pain God feels... Looking upon that which He knew, and loved, is lost. 

That Life Sentence.

I cannot recall from the days of my youth, a time where I was not among the mindset that the world was a terrible place full of dangerous things.
As a kid I was, as I would define it, cursed with the blessed sense of awareness. I took in a lot. I observed a lot of things that were very dysfunctional. I experienced things that were abuses. There were traumas, and there was death and abandonment. There were times of neglect.... and so much pain.

Looking back there from here.... where I am sitting now...
It honestly makes me cry a little.

When I think about how, by all rights, I wouldn't even be here now..
It is absolutely impossible to not see the Hand of God in my life, even in most of the the most painful things I've survived.

Survival, is an appropriate word.
I was alive and breathing from one wave of attack to another wave of attacks. The world was pouring out so much destruction  on my family, friends and I.
Naturally, when you spend years surviving.... you're going to have habits that carry over into a time of peace.


Even when I turned to God,
I lived from one thing to the next

Let me me tell you folks, you can read the word of God and you can know the word of God, you can recite the word of God but what worth is it if you don't believe?


I'm talking ALL the Word.

Sure I believed that Jesus saves and died for my sins and that he resurrected ...
Sure I believed that He's coming back...

...but did I really believe that He came so that I could have life more abundantly?

I remember looking up at God and asking Him, as reverently and respectfully as I could ...

"Is this what my life is going to be like for the rest of my days? If It is, and that is what you want from me, I'll follow and I'll live it, but God, is there more to living than just surviving?"


He didn't answer me in an audible voice. He didn't answer me thunder or lightning, nor did someone show up in the middle of the night and bang on the door and say "God told me to tell you that there is more for you!!!"


God just brought to my mind the verse,
John 10: 9 I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.


I said to God " I believe you can do this."

I am so grateful for the mercy that He has shown me, that he has allowed me to be where I am.

" By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise;  for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God."- Hebrews 11: 9-10

The "Self" Infliction.

I was reading my new Bible the other day, and I had it opened to a passage that kinda floored me.

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit,returned from the Jordan and was led around by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And He ate nothing during those days, and when they had ended, He became hungry." - Luke 4

There is much in this little bit. A great much.

"And the devil said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’”

Scripture > how we feel.

We are inflicted with this disease that will plague us from the moment we are aware, to the moment we die.
This infection of "Self"

God is smart, because He knows what went down in the garden, when the serpent was chit chatting with Eve. He knew that the second that she bit into that apple, that the action would doom man to be poisoned with an overwhelming sense of self.  Before the fall, man and woman had their focus on God, and each other... and it was good. Then the idea was brought forth for disobedience, The idea that "God did not say" That there was another word contrary to the truth...   Your word, your way, that surely, You will not die.

The two greatest commands are Love God with all your heart soul and strength, and the second like it, love your neighbor as you would yourself.

Now we struggle to love God in our churches. We don't read much of His word. We don't spend much time in prayer.
When we do, it is usually us telling God what we want, or what we think we need.
Should we pick up a Bible, its generally about a minute or two that we read a passage and then we wait until service for a preacher to tell us more things about what the word of God might say because we want to spend our time doing everything except reading it for ourselves.

Love your neighbor as yourself.
All of the commands of God are pointing to this place where God is trying to get us to stop focusing so intently on US, when we should be submitting to Him.

This sickness of self, it is rampant through the body of Christ. We don't have time to listen to what God wants us to do... because WE are too busy doing the things that WE like, in His name.

It's like throwing a party with a chocolate cake, and a chocolate fountain and chocolate ice cream with chocolate fudge and chocolate sprinkles with chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milk.... for the kid that is deathly allergic to chocolate.

Pride is an over inflated sense of self.


I'll get transparent here with something that happened years ago.

The worst pain that I have ever felt in my heart, was brought about from a moment when I heard the devil say words with my voice. I was experiencing a situation that seemed so, perfect. It involved a woman. When I was near this woman I was the happy. We had feelings for each other.  When I looked at my life, and my situation and all the places I've been and all the things I lost... all the suffering I'd endured in my young life... I was not looking at God, or HIS word... I heard that voice that sounded like mine say "You deserve this one thing. You deserve to be happy in this."  This relationship it felt so right, and romantic, and magic...

...but it didn't feel obedient.

The more years I put between then and now, the more I see how little I understood about love, you know. The sacrificial true stuff. I think one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life is not be with that woman. My love and my duty to God, my focus on Him... that took me in another direction.
Had I said to heck with everything and stayed, what could I ever have spoken of on Honor, and Submission, Sacrifice and self denial? What could I have said that wouldn't have been contradicted by my action?


We get caught up in these things where we feel a certain way, and we think that because we feel these feelings so strongly and they are so powerful, that they are right.

I have heard people say that they do not feel convicted about certain things in the Bible that God says very clearly are a sin. Suddenly, when we say such a thing, we are now elevating our feelings above the truth of scripture.


Can you imagine, fasting for 40 days?
Can you imagine fasting for 2 weeks?
Can you imagine if Jesus had turned the stones to bread?

He was being tempted to take His eyes off of the focus and exaltation of God and the Power of the Holy Spirit... in order to serve HIM SELF!

.... and he didn't.

I am so far away from the example of Jesus, but I am fighting to get closer to it.
Love God with all your heart, soul and resources.
Love your neighbor as yourself...


A fool does not delight in understanding,
But only in revealing his own mind.- Provbs. 18:2

self focus vs learning from another.

Philippians 2:3-8

 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,  who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming (obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.


This is something so very basic....

like breathing.


.. and like breathing,


it can kill you the less you practice it.

Movies and Frozen Pizza

Tonight, At about 11pm, I remembered that there was a midnight showing of a movie that I wanted to see. I remembered this about twenty minutes before I got off of work, and that, seemed like the most appropriate time to launch a campaign to try to find ONE person to attend this movie with me.

I'm throwing invitations up on my facebook status, I'm opening chat windows for people Facebook says are online, I'm offering to pay, I'm offering to pick people up because I've gotta tell you, movies aren't as good when you see them alone. I did that one time and it was awful. All the anticipation building up to see the show and  I turned to the empty chair and had nobody to tell how excited I was about it. After the movie, I had all the highs and lows of cinematic critique fresh in my mind, and there was nobody to share it with.
It was super lame.

I even got to the point where I invited the weird guy from work that doesn't exactly get things right, but is not a bad guy and heck, maybe even we might be better friends as a result of sitting seeing a movie outside of work. He smiled at me with a laugh and said he wasn't much of a movie person.
I've never really gotten that much either. I meet people every now and again that hate movies. I don't understand that. I love the stories. The character developments and the sense of adventure.People are like that. Everyone has some story that they can relate too. Everyone can see some character in a movie and laugh or launch into an anecdote about some villain that they faced in their own way. Everyone can tell a story about how they didn't rise in the face of adversity and they stumbled and it broke their heart. They can tell about a friend they lost.

 Perhaps, if I hadn't waited until the 11th hour, I might have had someone respond to my invitation.
Maybe then I would be munching on the golden buttery popcorn in the light of the silver screen instead of crunching on frozen mexican pizza in the dark of my living room.

I may have over cooked this a little. Its a bit chewy.


There is a message about the Gospel in here.

Can we get this excited about the news that not only did our sins be forgiven, but we can have victory over them to the point where we do not continue in them?

Are we telling everyone we can, that there is hope in a redeemer that loves us.
.... that piece was burnt.... I just bit a burnt piece.... I knew I waited too long to pull that out of the oven...

... don't wait to long to do the things that God is telling us to do. He says Go, preach the good news. Share the gospel. When you friends and family and co-workers and neighbors, and enemies and beggars and strangers  are in the heat, sweating out the pains of life without hope....  Tell them about the one who save them. That unlike this part of the pizza, they aren't too far gone.

Listen to their stories. Point out the foreshadows of God's character that is ready to be introduced into their script. The hero of tale.
The one bringing salvation.

The one with the power to twist the plot and make us no longer the villains, but the long lots heirs.

Falsehood

We talk a lot about the Truth in church and in Bible studies.  I personally believe that God's word, the Bible, is truth, from Genesis to Revelation. Most people in the Church would agree that the Bible is God's word and that God's word is Truth. 

However, there have been times when I have presented scriptures in the Word of God, as pointed out to me by God's Holy Spirit, and I have been met with some who believe that I was presenting a false gospel. 

In order to get a better grasp and comprehension of what the fullness of Truth is, I thought that maybe today we would look into the Word to get some definitions of falsehood, the opposition.

Falsehood is found in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20: 16
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

Pretty strait forward, don't accuse people around you of  doing something that they are not.
We have examples of people breaking this commandment in  Acts 6:10-15

 But they were unable to cope with the wisdom and the Spirit with which he was speaking.  Then they secretly induced men to say, “We have heard him speak blasphemous words against Moses and against God.”  And they stirred up the people, the elders and the scribes, and they came up to him and dragged him away and brought him before the Council.  They put forward false witnesses who said, “This man incessantly speaks against this holy place and the Law;  for we have heard him say that this Nazarene, Jesus, will destroy this place and alter the customs which Moses handed down to us.” And fixing their gaze on him, all who were sitting in the Council saw his face like the face of an angel.

We know that isn't true. We know that there is not any falsehood in the Savior. There are many many many places where Jesus says that the Law of God is to be kept. In fact he even goes so far as tell people that those who teach others to break the commandments of God shall be least in the kingdom. ( Matthew 5: 17-19)

We have other examples of people spreading falsehoods in Acts 21:17-26
17 After we arrived in Jerusalem, the brethren received us gladly.  And the following day Paul went in with us to James, and all the elders were present.  After he had greeted them, he began to relate one by one the things which God had done among the Gentiles through his ministry. 20 And when they heard it they began glorifying God; and they said to him, “You see, brother, how many thousands there are among the Jews of those who have believed, and they are all zealous for the Law;  and they have been told about you, that you are teaching all the Jews who are among the Gentiles to forsake Moses, telling them not to circumcise their children nor to walk according to the customs.  What, then, is to be done? They will certainly hear that you have come.  Therefore do this that we tell you. We have four men who are under a vow;  take them and purify yourself along with them, and pay their expenses so that they may shave their heads; and all will know that there is nothing to the things which they have been told about you, but that you yourself also walk orderly, keeping the Law.  But concerning the Gentiles who have believed, we wrote, having decided that they should abstain from meat sacrificed to idols and from blood and from what is strangled and from fornication.”  Then Paul took the men, and the next day, purifying himself along with them, went into the temple giving notice of the completion of the days of purification, until the sacrifice was offered for each one of them.


Paul is performing Sacrifices as prescribed in numbers 6 in order to combat the falsehood that was saying that Paul was teaching people not to keep the commands of God.

Peter testifies to this 2 Peter- 3:14-17.

In John 8:43-45 Jesus said this
 Why do you not understand what I am saying?
 It is because you cannot hear My word.
 You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
But because I speak the truth, you do not believe Me.

How heartbreaking it must have been for the Savior to sit there ant testify the truth, to have the embodiment of the living Words of God within you, and have that pain of the people rejecting Him, and the one that sent Him.

How heart-wrenching.

Falsehoods. Lies. Deceptions. 

 

2 Timothy 4:3-5

3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. 5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry

Hold to the Truth, that Truth of the Father, that Truth presented by the Son.
Psalms-119:163
I hate and despise falsehood,

But I love Your law.