I Confess.

As I am reading this book God is opening my eyes to what probably is my greatest failing as a believer. It isn't that I do not evangelize enough, or do not read my scriptures enough, or pray enough... which admittedly I believe we most all could do these things more as a body. No, that is not my greatest failure.

It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that my biggest failure is that when the Savior calls to me in life situations and said "Come deny yourself and follow me, crucify your flesh" in actions I often reply, " I will not yield"
Now this is not something that I could see outright as the flesh of a man has it's own sense of self preservation. Pride will disguise itself as a sense of righteousness, and justification. Wrongs inflicted and injustices will cause men to slander demons and Satan and ego will elevate a man higher in his own eyes to wage wars against them by his own strength. I've been that man a time or two. This is a public confession. I do not embrace pain and crucifixion the way that my Savior did. I do not bear the weight of mockery with the grace that He does. In many of those moments my flesh gets the better of me and I lose the battle before I recognize how to fight.  God has been working on this issue for many years with me, and there has been much progress and much left to be done. There are times, To His Glory more frequently, where the self-defense and heated exchange of insults is mitigated by God having fixed my eyes on compassion for the one I am in the exchange with. I do not want to make them hurt the way they hurt me, I do not want to make them suffer so that they understand not to mess with me, and that I am clever and that I am tactical. I want them to know that I love them because God is changing my heart and when I was one way, it was pain and pride. Giving pride for pride does not heal. It does not love. It does not cure.
It is not the way of self-denial. It is not sacrifice of the Savior.  It is not carrying the Cross.

I am reading this book about healing. In it explains that crucifixion comes from God with a purpose. All those people that you're mad at are just the delivery system for something which God has prescribed.
"Pick up your cross and follow me"
We see the message in churches now days that the thrust of the Christian walk, the apex of the gospels is happiness.
I am not seeing that from the text that says

Matthew 10

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. 17 But beware of men, for they will hand you over to the courts and scourge you in their synagogues; 18 and you will even be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. 19 But when they hand you over, do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what you are to say. 20 For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.

21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death. 22 You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.

23 “But whenever they persecute you in one city, flee to the next; for truly I say to you, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel until the Son of Man comes.

OOOOoooooooh-y does the sound of that tickle you and make you smile ear to ear! Probably not. Do you get overwhelmed with happiness that following the Savior is going to result in being hated, betrayed, beaten, killed, and cause you to flee your homes!!! I doubt it.
I don't really seeing that one making it on the Osteen sermon rolodex.
" Deliverance from a crucifixion is an escape from pain. It is also a deliverance from change... change which God desires. "
-Gene Edwards, Crucified by Christians 

I don't do well with change. I resist it. I often times fight it.  That is one of the revelations that God has allowed me to see. God has authorized difficult situations in my life to 1) get me to focus on him
2) help change something wrong in my behavior or thinking 3) MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON BECAUSE HE LOVES ME

When I think about the goodness of the Savior, and how I want to be like Him, I usually think about His peace and the way He is the epitome of pleasing to the Father. I do not think about His suffering.

When most believers say "God make me more like you" or "Jesus help me follow in your ways" or "God I want your will in my life" they are usually not aware that they have asked God to bring about circumstances that are so very unpleasing to the flesh, in order to help destroy its control.

More excerpts from this book:

" If you embrace a crucifixion? You will lose a great number of enemies and a large number of bitter memories. You will also see the death of a portion of your dark side"- Gene Edwards, Crucified by Christians

Embracing the Crucifixion? In my May post I wrote about an experience that I have had, and certain things to caution people in churches everywhere to be aware of in regards to spiritual abuses. In many of the aspects that I detailed there, it was some of the most painful business of my entire life. In the moments that I was going through them I  wanted to plead my case, but it often didn't get anywhere. The parts that were wrong, I wanted people to understand and the parts where I felt that I was justified, were and honestly in some aspects still feel justified in.... are at their CORE, irrelevant.

"It is not God's intention to allow a crucifixion to become a platform for self defense. A crucifixion has one purpose, to destroy elements in you that need to be crucified"
- Gene Edwards, Crucified by Christians

That is something that brought me to the point of tears....
That one of the most painstaking aspects that I have ever gone through, that brought me to the point where I almost gave up EVERYTHING...
... was now not defined by me, my suffering, my justification.... but INSTEAD it was defined by HIS GLORY AND HIS BEAUTY!!!

God allowed me great suffering because HE loved me enough to GRANT ME PERMISSION to conform my CHARACTER closer to HIS.

Anyone who follows the Messiah is called to Crucifixion, but not all allow the resurrection of a better self from the ashes... more of Christ living in you.

"A crucifixion, properly embraced, will ultimately make you far more than what you were. Improperly embraced, it leaves you less than you were. It is your choice. You will either be spiritually destroyed or you will grow in Christ beyond previous boundaries!"- Gene Edwards, Crucified by Christians


I'm pretty awful at dying, much to my shame. I have a better awareness of an issue here and by God's Holy Spirit I decrease as He increases.

I confess my weakness and that often my ways are not His ways. Forgive me.

It's a Sin my friend.

Unless you've been under a rock or in some sort of secret underground bunker that doesn't get news or reception or something, you know that Gay marriage is the hot button issue right now.
Since the supreme court ruling there were a several things that turned my stomach and grieved me , but it wasn't so much the gay marriage ruling. The ruling disappointed me. It didn't disgust me. It didn't cause hate or bigotry to rise up in me. It was just disappointing to see the way our culture is turning.

 I see people coming out of the woodwork that profess an allegiance to the God of Abraham Issac and Jacob. YHVH, The creator of heaven and earth as revealed  in the Biblical scriptures. They say that they are Christians, and that they support gay marriage. I read an article that took it a step further and stated that the Holy Spirit is for Gay marriage.
1)  Leviticus 20:13 says
If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act (H8441); they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.

That "Detestable act", that is the word is the Hebrew word for Abomination. As in:

The graven images of their gods you are to burn with fire; you shall not covet the silver or the gold that is on them, nor take it for yourselves, or you will be snared by it, for it is an abomination H8441 to the LORD your God. - Deut 7
Or
Furthermore, all the officials of the priests and the people were very unfaithful following all the abominations H8441 of the nations; and they defiled the house of the LORD which He had sanctified in Jerusalem.- 1 Cron 36


2) God didn't change. He doesn't do that. He hated sin from the start and He hates sin now. He loves people. He cares for people who identify themselves as homosexual.He DID NOT MAKE SIN NOT A SIN.

1 Samuel-15:29
 Also the Glory of Israel will not lie or change His mind; for He is not a man that He should change His mind.”
Psalm 89:34

“My covenant I will not violate,

Nor will I alter the utterance of My lips.


To say that God went against His word and changed His mind is to say that God changed His Character. That God, is not the God of the Bible.

I read an article with 40 questions for Christians waving rainbow flags and it's pretty spot on.
To openly endorse a sin is contrary to the call of the Savior when he says in Matthew 16:
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

If following the Savior is the continual work to crucify the lusts of the flesh and deny ones self, then one cannot do this while celebrating the things that His unchanging word says are an abomination to Him.
Following Christ is to put to death the flesh.
I am bad at it...
... but I don't pretend that my flaws are Biblically ordained by God.

To preach that God has made a Sin Holy is at it's core telling God that His Son died for nothing and everything that HE is is not what you really want.

It's blasphemy.  Listen to the warning from the Scripture about these things

 For certain persons have crept in unnoticed, those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation, ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.5 Now I desire to remind you, though you know all things once for all, that the Lord, after saving a people out of the land of Egypt, subsequently destroyed those who did not believe. 6 And angels who did not keep their own domain, but abandoned their proper abode, He has kept in eternal bonds under darkness for the judgment of the great day, 7 just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities around them, since they in the same way as these indulged in gross immorality and went after strange flesh, are exhibited as an example in undergoing the punishment of eternal fire.8 Yet in the same way these men, also by dreaming,defile the flesh, and reject authority, and revile angelic majesties. 9 But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argued about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” 10 But these men revile the things which they do not understand; and the things which they know by instinct, like unreasoning animals, by these things they are destroyed.

- Jude

John 16:1-3 These things I have spoken to you so that you may be kept from stumbling. 2 They will make you outcasts from the synagogue, but an hour is coming for everyone who kills you to think that he is offering service to God. 3 These things they will do because they have not known the Father or Me. 4 But these things I have spoken to you, so that when their hour comes, you may remember that I told you of them. These things I did not say to you at the beginning, because I was with you.

This is starting to happen. There are fights breaking out just for holding signs. There is hate .


3 Let no one in any way deceive you, for it will not come unless the apostasy comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, 4 who opposes and exalts himself above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, displaying himself as being God. 5 Do you not remember that while I was still with you, I was telling you these things? 6 And you know what restrains him now, so that in his time he will be revealed. 7 For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work; only he who now restrains will do so until he is taken out of the way. 8 Then that lawless one will be revealed whom the Lord will slay with the breath of His mouth and bring to an end by the appearance of His coming; 9 that is, the one whose coming is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders, 10 and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved. 11 For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false, 12 in order that they all may be judged who did not believe the truth, but took pleasure in wickedness. - 2 thes 2


If you struggle with homosexuality, and you're trying to crucify the flesh I commend you.
If you preach that the things that God has said are an abomination are pleasing to Him, I worry for you.
It's a sin my friend.. Repent. 

Some thoughts on Liberty and God

I'm an American in addition to being a believer in the God and the Biblical text. There was a time when those two things were nearly indistinguishable due to popularity and national patriotism. I support the rule of law and justice. I can see that our legislative model is patterned after Biblical law.
I'd like to consider myself patriotic, but foremost I'd like to consider myself to be follower of God. Those two do not always overlap.

Yesterday 5 judges said that people who classify themselves as homosexual cannot be barred from getting married in all 50 states. I don't know where the separation of church and state was in that one, but that isn't my point here. Facebook was a wash with rainbows and the masses celebrating the court ruling. Many of them mocking people who disagree with the stance on homosexuality. I had a few discussions with an assortment of people, many whom at times seemed to be arguing someone that they assumed I was. I stated that homosexuality is wrong. What I didn't say was that I supported a constitutional ban on same sex marriage, and that I was grieved by the ruling by the court because now it's all ew gay people and people should all adhere to my belief system. I think some people heard that, even though I didn't say it.

Other people began posting about liberty and the united states being the land of the free. People have the right to sin, that is even afforded in the biblical text:
“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity; in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you may live and multiply, and that the Lord your God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it. - Deuteronomy 30

Liberty.

God did not set before us only life and prosperity and demand that we walk in it. He gave a cross roads and said one of these are right and good and the other is rough and wrong, you choose.
There are people that would want to dictate that saying that something is wrong is hate speech, bigotry or intolerance. It is not imposing views on people to tell them a way is wrong.
What many believers fail at here is how to state a truth without invoking anger or contempt.
Paul says:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,  does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth - 1 cor 13

 How we express truth is often as important as the truth itself.
If you read the story of the woman at the well in John 4 there are a few major points that stand out.
1) The Messiah is waiting for the woman, not all super jerk like demanding that she repent and come clean and then set up a meeting with the disciples in order to come and meet with Him.
2) He strikes up a conversation with the woman. he doesn't come right out and scream at her for sleeping around. He has a conversation with her about the truth.
3)" At this point His disciples came, and they were amazed that He had been speaking with a woman, yet no one said, “What do You seek?” or, “Why do You speak with her?”"
This woman, a sinner, who has the liberty to sin or not, and may not believe that there is anything wrong with her sin was graciously approached by the Son of God, who had a conversation with her, even though any one of them probably would have scared her away from the truth by their actions. He did not impose His will on her. He told her the truth. He didn't hate her, but He told her the truth.
4) Because He told her the truth, many people were saved.


Many people do not want the things of God and when the get them in their fullness, and they taste the pain of sin, they blame God for some reason for not impeding their liberty.
I'm not one of the people that is going to sit here and tell everyone that they are going to hell for any one specific sin. I will say the uncomfortable truth that Sin results in consequence, and consequence and judgment is not pleasurable. There is a way that seems right to a man but it's end is the way of death ( proverbs 14). That doesn't mean that I hate sinners, that means that I care about what happens to them.  I tell people that eating things that God has said aren't food is sin. I love the people, but I don't pretend that isn't wrong. It isn't my job to get people to repent, it is my job to tell them the truth.
Pride is the same level of sin as homosexuality, and there are some very proud people who hate people who call themselves homosexuals. I find that point pretty ironic actually. I've wrestled with pride my own self, that doesn't make it okay. I still wrestle with pride, that still doesn't mean that other sins are acceptable based on popularity.

yeah, I guess that will suffice for this months post.

Cult of Personality

Perspective often comes with a little bit of distance and a lot of time. Often, a person cannot see clearly the totality of a situation until they take a few steps back and put some miles between themselves and the circumstance. I've come to believe that I was once part of a cult, of sorts. A personality cult or cult of personality is a system in which a leader is able to control a group of people through the sheer force of his or her personality and is often portrayed as a god-like figure. These circumstances foster various abuses, usually spiritual, implemented through double standards and hypocrisies. What I experienced personally was that when I brought an issue to leadership that I asked for help with, instead of help, I was viewed as an enemy of the community because I had an issue I was bringing into the camp. This resulted in isolation, intimidation, and all manner of things that should not come from a spiritual leader who is in a position to help or guide someone who came to them in humility, asking for assistance. During my years in this place there were a great many things that were off that I rationalized. I dismissed them because if there were two ways of looking at an issue, I generally gave the benefit of the doubt to the men and women who were running the congregation. Sometimes issues would arise where I did not agree with what, for the sake of this blog, we'll call the “matriarch” or the “patriarch”. I brought what I saw as scriptural discrepancies to their attention, and again, I was met with hostile resistance. However, this time it was not from the hierarchy. No, it was from a selection of their influence that they had set in place to ensure that accountability could be swayed by those who wished to garner favor with the "leaders". They do this in order to be perceived as "holy". I was told that I had no right to come to the leadership to address actions or inaction that I saw that were not in line with scripture. I was told that I was being arrogant and lifting my hand “against the Lord’s anointed”. Here are these men with no training in any form of counseling, with no formal submission to any greater body, saying that a man has no accountability except for them, and they have no accountability except through him. Yet, both were intending to neglect the parts of scripture they swore to uphold before a community for the sake of expedience. I cannot tell you how much I was scarred from the events where I was vulnerable before these men and I was treated with contempt because my questions conflicted with their sanctimony and pride. That is not to say that the many of them were or are not well-meaning or well-intending. No, they are flawed, and many of them oblivious to their faults and not in a place where they'd be able to receive awareness of their blindness.
Look at how I'm still sitting here defending these people because I love them. I love them, but that does not change the fact that there is a deep, unspoken sickness in their structure and body that they ignore because they want to believe that everything is wonderful and happy. A friend of mine brought something to my attention the other day regarding an earthquake that was supposed to devastate the west coast. He did not present it as prophecy, he just asked that I pray about its possibility. That man is a good man whom I love dearly, and he stated outright that this is very possibly nothing, but it would not hurt to pray about it. Cut and dry. However, there were others who purport that they are wise and gifted with an abundance of discernment. They have boasted in this gift as a sense of identity and have spoken of mystical dreams that they had in relation to this major quake. Nothing happened. There was no quake. What then of their mystical dream? I joked with someone close to me that I survived yet another Messianic doomsday. They asked for clarification of my comment and I went through a short list of failed prophecies about wormwood hitting in 2009, or again in 2010, or all the people living in FEMA camps in 2011, or the devastating financial collapse that should have happened in 2013 that would have imposed martial law. These were just some of the many predictions that swirl and swarmed around this place. Even people in the leadership had failed predictions, and I recall one specific time a leader actually specifically stated that God had told him something that did not come to pass. He stated exactly that God had told him within the next two years, there was going to be a massive influx of people into that specific church of a certain age group. It didn't happen. It was a false prophecy, and this leader had said "thus saith the Lord", when the Lord had not spoken. I dismissed that fact and pushed it aside because of my love for this man and his family. He appeared so godly. I felt that he was so trustworthy at the time that even when spiritual abuses and neglects happened, that I believed that I was explicitly to blame and that he bore no responsibility. I was a wretch and he was a righteous man. I had talked with two separate friends of mine that were older and had used to be in leadership at that same place about the same time. They both had left and they both had cautioned me about the shape the congregation was taking. One pointed out the same objection that I had about the false prophecy, and how that meant that I should disregard the things that the leader was teaching, according to scripture. I made an excuse for him, that he was just mistaken and had probably misspoken. We both had casually laughed it off, but I knew that he was right. The other had cautioned me about the growing unhealthiness that was taking root, but my own sense of duty would not let me leave. I would tell myself that I could bear the discomfort and the pain and hold on, because eventually, they would see how they were hurting people. Eventually, they would see that they've got nothing for outreach and they've missed the point of ministry. Surely if I hung on a little longer, they would eventually see that they were replacing the example of the Messiah and the practical application of HIS life-changing explanations of the word, with idols of intellect that were Savior adjacent. I believed that I was stronger than I was. I was proud. I was blind.
Issues of disagreement were met with hostility. A person couldn't just disagree with how things were handled, because again, they were coming against the Lord’s anointed, and all their authority comes from God. I was often encouraged to ignore what I believed to be discernment, and instead defer to the people who boasted about their position, their spiritual gifts of discernment, and their accountability. So the issues would often not get resolved or the patriarch and matriarch would drag resolution out for so painstakingly long that other more pressing matters would arise that required their attention. This would result in some things being swept under the rug. Control is a major issue in these atmospheres. If they do not like what you have to say, they will do what they need to do to try and keep you from saying it. I wrote a post back in November where I spoke of some things that I had seen and took issue with. This caused a flurry. Instead of a phone call from one person who the section could or could not have been about to me to ask me person to person if there was ought or grievance, there was a set of phone calls made about how to "deal with this blog situation". Several people were called, and meetings were set up to discuss the fact that I had said something that was beyond the scope of their control. I voiced an opinion that was not subject to their censorship, that poised questions, and you are not to question leadership. You're to submit and follow them, and if you do not, you are an enemy of the congregation of whom it is to be guarded against. I was told that there were people who were cautioned to not read what I had written. I had friends delete me off of Facebook without explanation. I've had texts to friends be ignored repeatedly, because I believe that I am now "outside of the camp". In places like these cult congregations, they say that grace is not something earned, yet you have to do something to be eligible for it. They'll say that repentance means turning from an action, but then you still must be punished and suffer consequences. They hold these standards to the community, but they do not hold them to the leadership. I used to teach and I was terrified with the responsibility that teaching holds, but I made a mistake and I was told that I could never teach again. They deemed me unqualified for ministry because of my mistake, which I repented for. That was my punishment. The patriarch once acknowledged publicly that he had wronged me, but he never said why or how, and I extended to him forgiveness and mercy by not calling for his punishment in the ways that he had punished me. He did not hold himself to the same standard of requiring any sort of sacrifice for restoration. He did not hold himself to the same standard of really requiring confession. The people that he put in place around himself to insulate him from accountability did not require that he adhere to his own standards, and therefore were complicit in the perversion of their execution of justice. They like to tout the moniker of "protecting the community", but many times, they're protecting those who do not need protection FROM the community. I know a story of an isolated and lonely young man who was troubled and told someone about issues he was facing. It also came to light an area that he had stumbled in. The response of the leadership was to confront the young man, to ask him if he was a danger to the community and if he should be kept away from the people because he represented a threat to them. The leadership didn't come alongside to help the young man in his areas of weakness. They reaffirmed the position of isolation and segregation, implying that the solitude the young man experienced was justified because he deserves to be disconnected. "We love justice greatly , but mercy only a little." - Paraphrasing Joseph Roux In my time at that place, I saw a good many faces of people in the Bible. I have seen the faces of people who would free Barabbas over Jesus, I saw Pilots who would wash their hands, I saw Jonathans and Davids, a Moses, an Absalom, a Saul. I keep in touch with a few of the Peters, who I love tremendously and who give me hope for the situation. My heart hurts for all the good people in that system who were and are hurt by the abuses, and I pray that something is done to keep it from happening again.
-



Edited by Audrey Edits 

Empires of Dirt

You know that Johnny cash cover of the Nine inch nails song, Hurt? There is that one line that stands out to me every time I hear it and it rings a little louder then all the rest

" you could have it, all My empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt"

I had a conversation with a brother recently about the subject of vanity and ego. Perhaps I am not the man to be writing about this because I know sometimes I probably come across as egocentric. In myself I generally see that more as a long running joke than anything else because it is somewhat contrary to my efforts to be less of "me" and more godly. I fully acknowledge that there are days, sometimes weeks, Hell, even months where my efforts are less than emphatic... or... evident.

Pride is the drug that is killing the young, and apathy the old. Ego propels men to be hustlers for that money to get them rims and all those hunnys. ... I honestly didn't intend for that to rhyme, I just got half way through the sentence and went with it.  I digress.  

He said "The ego is there for a reason , yes i know money is vanity, but people tend to listen to successful people more than broke people, yes it can lead you astray from the word, unless you do everything through him, so I'm saying the confidence and all that i have is going to make me become successful, i want to speak in front of thousands of people and share the wisdom of the word. I'm saying all of that correlates with confidence and thats whats going to strongly impact my success, if its his will. my success will bring audiences."

"“If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."- Matt 19:21
"it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."- Matt 19:2
"Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted." - Matt 23:10-12

Hard work is great, and I already shared with my friend in previous conversations 1 Tim 6:7-11

" For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness."


However,  what was seeing him say is that you need ego and image to amass an audience so you can preach the gospel but that sounds strongly like compromising the gospels that teaches denial to self, instead  forsaking humility which is the thrust of the word in its entirety.

"He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8

Be humble.  Focus fully on God and His ways... doing it his way will bring an audience without the conflicting message of hypocrisy.

Lets look at some of the greatest leaders of all time:

Moses:
"Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."

God made that guy a leader, in HIS way because he was humble.
"Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth."



Anyway back to me.


I can tell you first hand that Francis of Assisi  was right when he said "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words." When I was younger I had this mindset, this Take the world by storm mindset that I was going to go out and just gather all the people and pack the churches... we were going to fill the churches and they they were going to hear some scriptures if we get them to the churches and once they hear those scriptures in church, that is what is going to save them. The more churches we fill, the more people get saved, the more our team wins.

I'll remind you that the definition of discernment is differentiating between right, and almost right.
This, was almost right. Because that plan of attack, and salvation for the globe.. in my mind.. It had a lot to do with me, and my strength and my power and what I was going to do for GOD and how holy I was going to be because of all the STUFF that I did for GOD and yeah that is for sure going to punch my heaven ticket... because it was for GOD.
... and it didn't work.
There was a fleshy-ness to my thinking. A carnality.

"And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ.  I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able,  for you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men?" -1 cor 3


When I was of this mindset I had maybe 1-2 people ever come to church with me and they didn't stay because it wasn't right. There was too much of my vanity in the process. Too much of my Ego. I was going to be a badass for Christ and I was going to help get everyone saved and then we were all going to chill in cool chairs like on a stage or something, Jesus and ME and then the crowd of people all looking at me up there in a giant chair that is smaller than Jesus' giant chair...

"“I am the LORD, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another,Nor My praise to graven images."


My empire is dirt.

God, by his mercy, showed me what was going on with me. He showed me that I needed to change and remove the ME
"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

The more I did this, The more I sought less of me, and more of him the more my friends and family could see Him changing my life. They began to hear the message. They began to come to church and they began to see less hypocrites lining the rows and more people genuinely serving one another and not trying to be better than everyone else.
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." - Phil 2:3-4

So I'm starting to hear the sound of morning birds outside my window which means that I should probably get to bed.

I'll leave you with this, everyone is building an empire...

 "According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it.  For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.  Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward.  If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire." 1 cor 3

... make sure you're not building on dirt. 

Make You Better

Our lives have been comprised of choices and circumstances that have shaped our characters, leading us to right here. Each of us have made decisions and fought battles. Every one of us has reacted poorly to situations or triumphed when the moment came.

We're human.

We're the battle ground between light and darkness.

That is what is on my mind tonight...

Do you know what most unbelievers that I have invited to come to church with me have said?
"God will probably cause me to burst into flames the second I walk through the doors"

I've invited a lot of people to church over the years, ranging from Atheists to Zodiac astrologists. People tend to know that we've sinned, that much is inherent. We know that God exists even when sometimes we don't want to. We know something is broken, and we are guilty.
I've seen many of these people come to church. Some stayed for a few minutes, some stayed for a few years but not one of them ever burst into flames at the wrath of an angry God who could have just as easily had them slip in the shower to break their neck
People have problems, all people, and problems need to be solved.

I was sitting with my brother in our apartment one day as his feet were draped over the loveseat across from the couch. He was distressed and distraught and he stared up at the bumps on the ceiling with a semi-vacant glare. I asked him, " What's wrong? Talk to me about it" He sighed a deep breath and said " That's not how it works. Crap only rolls uphill"  He spoke of it behind a few closed doors to a pastor and he didn't seem to mind me overhearing on the phone what was going on, but he didn't want to tarnish a perception that He had it mostly together. That is what I took away from the exchange. Though we all sin, Though we all suffer, some feel a need to hide it to try and save face or pride or they aren't ready to fully confront it or whatever. I sat there and felt like there was a lesson that I had learned, but it wasn't the one that was being intended.
My brother has gotten past a lot of this in varying degrees as lessons come around and around.

There it is... do you see it? The connection between the two?

 A party that is afraid to set foot in a church because they believe that one must already have won the war against darkness to be be saved... and another that shows that he is not comfortable with the notion that he has sin for how it would appear to people he's deemed in his mind underlings.

Both situations present that the Church is a gallery where people are displayed like art. One thinking he's worthless, and the other afraid of being appraised. The first things that Adam and Eve did was hide because they were ashamed and naked. I've been in churches where people seem to talk about sin as if it were a disease in Africa that is plaguing some poor impoverished people that they should hold a bake sale to raise awareness for.

I don't think I could ever follow a pastor or a church leader that didn't struggle with sin. If they don't struggle with sin, Our Savior struggled with it and I KNOW they're not better than the best.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:15

He fought sin and won.  He overcame darkness.  Some churches that I have been a part of do seem to have lost some of this... that a Ministry, is to spread the truth ... not that God hates darkness and you must save yourself from bondage and slavery before the Savior can free you from bondage and slavery...   But that God loves, and the Church loves and will be merciful and tolerant. The message that Sin can be beaten isn't accurately portrayed by a people that seems never acknowledge the battle. A doctor doesn't wait for the patient to die before he begins treatment.

I see it in Messianic circles occasionally. We're weird about sin. We generally hate it so much that we pretend that we're without it. We don't understand why other churches don't get our knowledge...  and it's probably because we don't look normal. We talk about sin as a christian disease, As an unsaved disease, instead of a terminal human condition. We'll hide any sense of transparency to curry favor and the illusion of holiness in order to be entrusted with positions of leadership so that people will know how spiritual we are... .... .. but nobody is getting saved.
Because they cannot relate.
unless they pretend to be something they're not.

In that regard, many unbelievers are more honest in their ignorance.

Can you imagine how short the bible would be without the mention of Sin on behalf of the righteous? How minimal the sacrifice of the Messiah would be if everyone pretended to have it all together.
" Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.  Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth.  Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." - James 5



 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours.
We can move in that power.

We can only show that Darkness can be overcome, if we admit that we have struggled against it.
"And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony..." - Rev 12

John 16 1-3

John 16:1-3
These things I have spoken to you so that you may be kept from stumbling. They will make you outcasts from the synagogue, but an hour is coming for everyone who kills you to think that he is offering service to God.  These things they will do because they have not known the Father or Me.


I'm reading headlines which is a terrible habit. This week it is all about Indiana and a law that backs religious freedom.  People have been stirred up and people are demanding boycotts and travel bans to Indiana over this.  Why? because they say that this law means that religious institutions can now discriminate against homosexuals.
It doesn't matter to most of these people that there is nothing in the law that says that. It doesn't matter that twenty other states already have this law on their books. IT doesn't even matter the fact that former President Clinton passed a law on a federal level in 1993.

All they hear, is the sound of the mob yelling louder and louder.

What the intent of this law is for is so that government bodies can't dictate what churches can and cannot preach, or as far as a business goes, make it so that they do not have to betray their conscience. 

It brought me back to this passage in John as I read the comments from the mob, about how God loves everyone and people in churches need to embrace practices defined as sin. Discrimination they cry as they violate the freedom of people with convictions, coercing them to participate in acts that the Bible classifies and unacceptable. 

... but most of the comments, those people believed that they were morally justified.

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. -2 tim 4


Stick to your convictions Believer. It will get worse, and then it will get much much better. 

The Cross

Someday, I'll probably write something that's worth really reading.
I have some insights on God and life and man.

Lately I've been talking about  churches, and dancing around the occasional spiritual abuses I've incurred. I was talking to a friend about them tonight. I was tired and I read an article that detailed the same types of things. People who are upset with what you're saying calling everyone but you... some one finally calling you trying to shut up the things that you said. The doomsday focal points.  Running down the line I related to so very much. Standing at a church function defending what I saw to be as scriptural to members of a leadership about an emphasis of mercy, when they confessed that what they were really trying to do was maneuver a man into a decision that they wanted him to come to... and not caring much about how they were losing him in the process.

This friend I was talking to, God bless him, started out with a question in the ball park of numbers 13. Admittedly, I'm tired, and I am also tired. It struck me how often in the Messianic movement that the subject of Nephilim would come around. I remarked, "Why can't people in the messianic movement study how to exemplify mercy to others. .. instead every one wants to talk about nephilim" half tongue in cheek.

I laughed at my own joke for a moment before it dawned on me how unfunny it is. When I am in Christian churches, there is a strong emphasis on the Cross... dying to self, the Grace of God, the Mercy of God... extending that Mercy and Grace to others. In many Messianic atmospheres, People want to talk about Angels doing it with the daughters of men, How many knots to tie on titzit. How a square beard on a mans face can make a pattern of the furnishings of the tabernacle.
When confronted about why so much time is spent on these things rather than the cross and the words of the Savior saying that we must pick it up and die... I have heard more than one person say " I've spent a lot of time studying the new testament and now I want to focus on the old testament"
The most important moment of the theology, the apex of the Savior's purpose for man, marginalized because it does not feed the intellectual "meatiness" of what they're looking for.
The emphasis then, became not on a ministry to help live like the Messiah, but instead a ministry to know things about the Messiah. The head vs heart dynamic is an important one. This isn't to say that these men were not without moments of Grace or Mercy, but the subtext was undeniable.

What is the point of church?

Are you there worship God with the body, and let your soul be bare with the trust and love of other believers? Is it an intellectual fact finding mission that fills them mind with so much informational trivia that even sharing who the Savior is and what he has done for us becomes a convoluted jumble of indecipherable madness? I'll tell you truthfully, that I have both seen and become the latter.
When trying to tell someone about the Sacrifice of Christ, a bunch of other things came spilling out that made me sound like a madman. Instead of the open truth that God has made a way for fellowship with people who have transgressed against him, a bunch of stuff about lambs, lions, threads and color meanings of threads, hyssop, incense, doorposts, the Sabbath, Shrimp and all kinds of things came rushing out.... in the span of only a few sentences. I used to hold a bible study that a friend of mine, a new believer had decided to come to. She had just started getting her life together and she had a zeal to now more about who this God is and how this Jesus fellow saved her soul and she craved his words. I had an older messianic lady show up and started talking about the tribes, linage, the land, the northern and southern kingdoms, revelation, and sticks. I kept trying to get to the structure of the passage in John that we were reading... but the mentality that this was somehow elementary made the information seem blase to this Messianic woman. Though with what I believe was pure hearted intentions, she instead managed to turn the essence of Victory over Sin in your life into some antiquated anecdote.

I've seen some men in every church cry crocodile tears and then stand before crowds and say they've received some deep revelation from God, and then I've seen them go on without their lives changing much. In the Christian church, I felt the power of God move upon me. One day stands out in particular. I do not remember the message of the sermon, I do not remember the songs for praise and worship, but I recall praying and singing. I was fading in and out of attentiveness when the voice that I recognize as God's spoke to me and he called me Son. He said that I was His son, and he is pleased with me. Truthfully, that knocked me on my ass and I wept openly and loudly for hours. I do believe that I took down half a box of tissues on blowing my nose alone. I left that service and I hung out with a few friends as we did every week. We'd hit up taco bell then headed over to someones house before night service when we'd all file back in. There was no message that night. Instead the entire service was going to be prayer. I sat in a seat near the back next to a friend. We were only two minutes in when I heard it again. God spoke as he did before and said " I love you Son, and I in you I am pleased" I didn't tell anyone what God had said, but people started walking up to me and laying hands on me, and began praying over me. I tried to hold back the tears because, you know... crying in public is weird frankly embarrassing. I'd like to have though that I could hold some of it together, until one of the people praying over me spoke up and said the words affirming "Let it out, God loves you and is proud of you" I wept as loudly as before and went through the other half of that box of tissues. By the end of the night I was dehydrated and overcome with a sense of peace.
I still carry that day with me. That day made me stronger.

I wanted to sleep at 4:30 in the morning after I finished talking to my friend about the subject of spiritual abuses but instead I prayed and It was impressed strongly on me to write this all down now before sleep takes my mind, while the words are fresh in my heart.

The Messianic movement is full of truth. In many cases it is the truth that the earth is round, when truth that you really need is that you've been shot, the doctor is prepping for surgery and  you need to hang in there because you're going to pull through. Describing the faucet or how water evaporates and turns into rain is truth, but it does not give drink to those who are dying of thirst.

We need more Christy Andersons. that have the balance of truth.

We need more Cross and empty grave because describing what type of sandals the Savior wore is not the same as bowing at His feet.

Fear Not

There is a lot a of fear out there and I'm not only speaking about the world.

The world is full of people who are scared. Some of them are afraid of terrorist that are making a conquest through parts of the world. Some are afraid of a political party losing power, or another party never gaining it. There are people out there who are afraid of losing their jobs and/or not having the money for doctors and medicine. Some people are scared they've wasted time and money on a degree and they'll never get a job to make a good wage and have a part of the American dream as it once was. Some people are afraid that the last relationship that they were in was the best that the could ever do, and nobody could love them, or their partner as well.
This is the world we live in.  This is, the state of affairs.

What is a church to do with a world like this?
How can a church help in these times?

As believers we're called to be in the world but not of the world.
We're called to be a strong example of love whose trust is firmly in God... but we often aren't
Some ministries are terrified of governments coming in and telling them what they can or can't say, so they don't want to get incorporated or become a 501c3 or even have a telephone
Is it wrong? That isn't my call, but I think its strange.
People become afraid of what a person might say, and they tailor messages of condemnation around someone that may just have a differing opinion. Fear.
Churches are supposed to be a hospital for the soul, not contained in any building but a vast reaching body that tends to the wounds and concerned. It laughs with you, It cries with you. It loves you and represents Christ. I was part of one ministry for a great while and for years I fought for lunch with a leader so that I could get to know the man.  I came away knowing more about him by all the things that he refused to open up about and wouldn't say and the questions that he never cared to ask or get answers too than any words that he ever threw out behind a pulpit. I wondered, Is he afraid to let me in?

I read an outstanding post yesterday titled "How to love a psychopath" and in it they spoke about the need for a deep connection in order to facilitate healing and to convey love. I've been a part of several ministries that not only fall short on the connection, but it would seem that they are against it.
Love is a lot of hard work, and it is the thing that is contrary to the atmosphere of fear. In some ministries, every new person is a potential threat and the only people that are really welcomed with open arms and lovingly embraced are those who already believe what the house believes.  A friend touched on this point quite well when he said

"I'm not saying this to bash the church or synagogue. I don't usually go to religious services anymore because I just can't handle it. The way things are done is so opposite to the way I am and to what actually works when it comes to making disciples and personal transformation, I often walk away feeling frustrated and drained. I'll give you a couple examples.

I'm very talkative, relational, and interactive, but in most religious services you can't talk - except for scripted prayers and songs - and there's little relational interaction except for what you squeeze in after the official service.
I'm very active physically - read that hyper haha - but in most religious services I have to mostly sit still and passively go along with whatever is happening.
I'm obsessed with making new disciples and changing the world, so I would rather be out there meeting nonreligious people (the 1) and building friendships with them than spending half the day sitting around with other people who already believe just like me (the 99) acting as if the pinnacle of discipleship was singing songs and 'getting fed'. Yes, some congregations have a strong focus on making disciples, but for many of the ones I've been to, it's not even on the radar. "

I've seen a disproportionate balance in relationships. I heard my own brother teach that the kingdom of God is built on relationships. Some places had no idea that my parents divorced, that I had moved in to help my mom, or that I was moving across the country even though I'd been talking about it for a while. A select few told me that they would miss me and that god would bless me where ever I was but there were others who said that I was making the gravest mistake of my life because of a strong sense of fear and impending doom was upon us all. Some of these same doomsday people thought a meteor was going to hit us last year, the economy was going collapse the year before that, another crisis and before that another crisis.  Don't get me wrong I love these people, and I'd most likely take a bullet for any of them.... but the constant paranoia fostered in an atmosphere of a lacking deep connection while pushing a specific thrust on getting their message out....

It felt as though the doctrine was truth, but I was among a cult. When I spoke out about concerns, the wagons would circle and their would be meetings about "slandering the ministry", because there was not that deep connection, it was easy for some of them to assume the worst and rally groups for secret meetings on how to "deal with the Jay situation" instead of reaching out in a one on one phone call.
On the other hand I once lived with a Pastor. He took me in until I could find my way in a new town. He poured into my life not by forcing scriptures, but by being a light. He listened. He laughed with me and he treated me like a brother or a son. He walked in a way that was comfortable with God, not looking over his shoulder but trusting in Him.

How can we appropriately minister to people with the hard questions if we as a people are afraid of them and their questions. Legitimate doubt in a quest for truth produces a more resolute faith at the other end. When that doubt is met with chastisement, fear and separation then it only reaffirms in the negative. I've been in churches that do not appreciate legitimate questions, because the pastor was afraid of those questions leading to a reevaluation of his doctrine, which contained flaws. It still hurts sometimes knowing that I was rejected because of questions.

We have to overcome our fear or the world. Fear is generally not an attribute of those who have died in the Messiah.
By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love - 1 John 4

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. "

I've finally gotten around to watching Dr. Who. I was resistant at first because initially, I didn't care for the campy graphics. I should have gotten over that a while ago, because I've found that I can actually relate to a great deal of it. A story about a troubled man who had a rough isolated upbringing and had to cope with significant loss in regards to family, generally running from problems, actually helps people but is often hated for it and classified as an enemy. He likes to travel, is often very clever but also can be very rude.. is often very sorrowful for a loss of a woman that he loved but is grateful she found someone much like him that makes her happy. Yeah, it rings true. Sometimes painfully so. Sure there are variances such as I wouldn't be so anti- gun, I'm bad with math, and also... I can't fly through space and time but those are minor details in the grand scheme.

Actually, I did sort of do a little time traveling recently. On facebook I've been writing a bit about stuff that has been coming up in the back of my mind. Old memories and hardships. I wrote a little bit about some of the bits of trouble that I had in school, regarding one of the many bullies that used to torment me. I couldn't make a move without this kid making fun of me, and getting others to make fun of me. I couldn't draw pictures alone without him making fun of my drawings. He's make fun of how I dressed, how I talked and just take full advantage of every opportunity to get a jab in. I never forgot his name. I looked him up out of curiosity. I wanted to know, did he stay a monster or did he become something else. I found him and so, I sent him a message and all it said was:

"I remember you."

I wasn't sure what direction that the conversation was going to take, or how I was going to react if he hadn't changed. The conversation started out with confirmations, that he was the right person, and yeah I was that kid with the awful MacGyver haircut ( I don't Exactly fault him for making fun of that).  The conversation developed a little more and there was an apology. A real apology for the way he treated me as a kid. In my heart, it wasn't about me. It wasn't about all the wrong that I endured. The apology opened a door for me to love a little easier as I saw that somewhere along the way, This man acknowledged that the way and manner in which he conducted himself was appalling and he changed. In his apology, I loved him as a reclaimed brother.

There are parallels through out the Bible about forgiveness, and not holding grudges. Passages like "You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord."

Joseph looking like an Egyptian after his "regeneration" from "the dead" looked at his brothers and wept and loved them because he knew that they were no longer what they were.
It gives you a birds eye view on repentance and the mercy of God. We're tyrants. We're bullies. We're awful in regards to treating people well, and we're the absolute worst when it comes to how we treat God. He gave me a glimpse of the Joy one can feel when that change is recognized. "You know not to do the thing. You've beaten the thing. You're not going to perpetuate the volumes of cycles of affliction on others because you've turned from the thing. It is not a cause for shame, but of triumph... because you are free from the thing"

An apology is a powerful thing. It isn't wielded by the haughty, it is exemplified in humility. I told this man how happy I am that he has a wife and kids and that life is blessed for him. I even remembered a kid that I used to pick on now and again. I've looked him up to apologize.
Traveling through time, hopefully changing a little of the future.

Misconceptions.

It has come to my attention that I may have misunderstood the concept of Biblical Leadership as a thing. For the sake of clarity, transparency and possibly a little humility... here is the teaching that challenged my previous understanding.

The Giant Slayer and Saul.

Sometimes in a less than healthy church environment the subject of authority gets twisted and maligned, especially when it comes to the addressing of what is right with a person in "power".

We talked a little bit about how a man can be accused of being rebellious, and Korah and how there are pastors out there who will try to destroy you if you suggest that they're doing things in a wrong manner.  One of the things that they'll bring up is authority and they'll probably talk about David and how he punished the man who slayed Saul for bringing the sword against the Lords anointed.

I would like to extrapolate that comparison to how it's being applied today.

Does the fact that Saul was anointed by God excuse your pastor from committing sin or exempt him from accountability?

Lets take a look at some passages:

Now Saul told Jonathan his son and all his servants to put David to death. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, greatly delighted in David. ( 1 sam 19:1)

Right off the bat, We see that the Lord's anointed is telling everyone to murder another one of the Lord's anointed. Let's back up a bit though..

 It happened as they were coming, when David returned from killing the Philistine, that the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with joy and with musical instruments. The women sang as they played, and said,

“Saul has slain his thousands,

And David his ten thousands.”

Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?”  Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.

Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand.  Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice. Now Saul was afraid of David, for the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul. .( 1 sam 18)



The whole reason that Saul is going crazy and trying to kill David, The anointed of the Lord is because
1. He is threatened by David and He thinks that he is challenging his authority.
2. He has some crazy evil spiritual madness. 

Some pastors want to say that if you bring an "accusation" against them, then you're raising the sword to Saul so to speak. Following that same logic, of them being Saul,

They're mad at you, thinking you're trying to take their authority ( this is not humility)
They're probably going to start throwing proverbial spears at you in an attempt to justify themselves.
 Usually they'll try to paint a picture of you wanting authority and trying to elevate your position, even though you keep taking about a thing that is wrong... they'll keep talking about you.

I would hope that nobody would surround a pastor in support, who is wildly waving a gun in the air and popping off a few rounds into people that disagree with them, yet, isn't that what we see? We see people that flock to this "challenging authority" idea and get fixated on this notion that more often than not, the victim of a spiritual abuse is is the danger that must be neutralized. After all, if the victims weren't groaning from being shot, then there would be more harmony and quiet in the body right?
Label it what you will, unjust weights and measures, calling good evil and evil good, turning a blind eye to justice, giving preferential treatment based on position...  It's wrong.  It's manipulation and its wrong.

David, the Giant Slayer, was said that he was a man after God's own heart. It isn't rebellion to say "Saul, you get a little murderous and you shouldn't be trying to kill people, eat a snickers"
Speaking to your pastor about issues that you may see shouldn't be compared to rebellion. He shouldn't get angry. He shouldn't have closed door secret meetings to talk about how to deal with the issue of you.


It is also worth noting that Saul was the one that killed Saul. 

Then Saul said to his armor bearer, “Draw your sword and pierce me through with it, otherwise these uncircumcised will come and pierce me through and make sport of me.” But his armor bearer would not, for he was greatly afraid. So Saul took his sword and fell on it.
-1 sam 31

Leadership and rebellion

Leadership and rebellion
In my last post, I went through a number of scriptural passages, and then my own conviction hit me pretty hard, to the point where I couldn't even finish the blog.

I've mentioned this passage a time or two:

“Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses;  therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them.  They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.  But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments. They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues,  and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men. 8 But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.  Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.  Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ.  But the greatest among you shall be your servant.  Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.”


Take note where is says that you are not to call a person a leader, and that the greatest among you shall be your servant. I would like to reconcile this with the fact that there is nothing new under the sun, and we see in many places of worship a priesthood set up as leadership.

When you hear a pastor or preacher delivering a message on leadership, they will undoubtedly mention Korah's rebellion. (Numbers 16) Pay attention to this subject in respect to your pastor, and how he handles the subject.

What I have seen with a majority of pastors is that when you bring something to them that you see as contrary to scripture, they're USUALLY pretty humble about it. Most of them won’t ( or shouldn't) boot you out the door or start calling you names, such as divisive or heretic, or saying that you're like Korah.  However, I've seen both sides of the coin. I've seen pastors that take what you see as contrary to what they preach, or contrary to how they've handled a situation, and they'll humbly submit that they may have been wrong and repent. I love it when that goes down. Yet, there are those times where you may see a pastor get up there and slandering and slaying demons, saying that He's going to shake the gates of hell and that the devil is an idiot... you know, all those things that the book of Jude tells us not to do. So, you bring it up and sometimes, they might get a little self-righteous, and tell you that they're a warrior ( even though , you see several places in scripture saying they're supposed to be sheep), and they've got a revelation from God, and they're God's anointed, and how David killed the men that raised the sword to Saul and HOW DARE YOU LEVY AN ACCUSATION AGAINST THEM!!!

They generally start backing up in anticipation of some giant sinkhole opening to swallow you up.

We come back to that definition of discernment: knowing the difference between right, and almost right.

I've looked through the Bible and what I see from the mouth of the one who IS the proper definition of the Torah, we're to not to call people leaders. Why? Because we have one leader, and that is the Messiah, and honestly, thank God for that.

What about all that huffing and puffing and red-faced indignation? What about that?
The Bible does tell us that that there are overseers, and these are the qualifications of them:

"...appoint elders in every town as I directed you—  if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.  For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain,  but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." - Titus 1


Now, if you're bringing something up that you see as a violation of the commands of God, directly from the Savior, and the response is hostility... There is a pretty solid chance that your "overseer" isn't as above reproach as they might like to think they are, especially if they're a little quick tempered in that "warrior" status.  When they're telling you that YOU have no right to "bring an accusation" against them, they are drawing the comparison that they are Moses, and at the very least, a priest of God. How dare you challenge the word of a priest of God! That's some scary business.
I mean, I would not want to challenge a legitimate priest of God, performing their temple sacrifices and priestly duties.  Isn't that kind of a straw man, though? It’s intimidating for a regular guy who kind of has his own “self” built up in his mind, in order to scare people into not confronting him with things he says or does that might not be in line with scripture? There is a lot of ego in play here, and it’s often not easy to recognize. After all, most of us come from the mindset that more knowledge of preachable, pulpit worthy stuff = way holier than you, because you're insignificant.


Funny thing about all that though, in a not so funny way…but still kind of funny if you think about it, if you squint maybe...IS that that kind of attitude, the self-righteous indignation of someone who thinks of himself as a priest, is the VERY attitude that time and time again the Savior pointed out as wrong.


“And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”- MARK 10
Take a moment and carefully evaluate what your church leaders are saying,  because if they are specifically underscoring this without proper context:

Titus 3:10-11
As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
Then they condemn this guy from John, chapter seven:

The Savior is divisive. (v.43)
“So there was a division among the people over him.”

 He is not warm and fuzzy. (v.7)
“The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil.”

He tells it like it is. (vs.33-34)
“Jesus then said, “I will be with you a little longer, and then I am going to him who sent me. 34 You will seek me and you will not find me. Where I am you cannot come.”

He raises his voice. (vs.37-38).
“On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”

He is God and knows all things. (v.29).
“I know him, for I come from him, and he sent me.”

He speaks the Father’s words, which are true. (vs.16-18).
“So Jesus answered them, “My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me. 17 If anyone's will is to do God'swill, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority.18 The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood.”


It is my sincerest hope that one might read this and be able to differentiate  a place of spiritual accountability to those who are "overseers", and those who are spiritually abusive in their insistence in acting as your priest, the one who is sitting in the seat of Moses, being a hypocrite.

Spiritual abuse is, sadly, quite common in these circumstances, and I'll share some warning signs could mean mean you are in a spiritually abusive establishment.
-


Sited from another source:

In an unhealthy church, it is considered rebellion when someone questions decisions or statements made coming from the pulpit. Granted, there are those who constantly question the leadership in any church -- but often, such constant questioning comes from an individual's critical spirit. Pastors must learn to deal with such questioning in a compassionate, positive manner. However, in an unhealthy church, any and all questions are considered threats to the pastor's "God-ordained" authority. Members who do dare to question their leaders or who do not follow their directives often are confronted with severe consequences. "

"Everything you need can be found within the framework of our group," this spirit says, adding, "Everything you need to know, you will receive from the pastor and his teachings." Consequently, there is little respect, if any, for other denominations or church groups.
One individual, in speaking about the elitist attitude within his church, said, "Although we didn't come right out and say it, in our innermost hearts, we really felt there was no place like our assembly. We thought the rest of Christianity was out to lunch." Another man from the same church said, "When a well-known evangelical speaker was preaching at another local church, our leaders would discourage us from attending. Also, if the leaders found out that members were considering visiting another church for any reason, they were called in and chastised. 'You don't need to be going to those other churches,' they would tell us. 'The ministry here is rich enough. Isn't the Lord feeding you here?'" A healthy church respects and celebrates the other expressions of Christ's many-membered body. A Jesus-centered church realizes that no one denomination or local church can win a city, regardless of how large it is. Christ-centered leaders who are clothed with humility recognize that the small church is as significant as the large church, the Baptists are as vital as the Charismatics, and every racial group has a place at the Lord's table. A healthy church will promote other churches in the city, rather than simply promoting its own events and agendas all the time. A healthy church will promote spiritual renewal in all churches rather than further the idea that it has some kind of doctrinal superiority. A healthy church will exude the attitude described in Philippians 2:3-4:

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also the interests of others.”


To read more about spirtual abuse Click here then here and then finally here
 -

My editor ( a real one)  added this comment:

The reason why this doesn’t happen is because there exists in our day payroll pastors, who’s only income comes from the church members paychecks themselves. Therefore, all other local churches are seen as competing businesses, rather than the body of Messiah. What you’re suggesting they do is like suggesting that one pizza place encourage people to try another pizza place. The whole structure of modern-day church needs to change, and payroll staff needs to be eliminated. I think money is the root of evil in the body.

 I thought it was a worthy addition.

Pharisees, Lawyers and Believers.

Buckle up folks, we're getting Biblical for this one.
I had a conversation the other day that sat in my mind like a pebble in your shoe.  The context was resisting an evil man and the text is as follows:

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.  Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.  Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

-Matthew 5

I brought this up to a brother in the church I was attending as the subject matter was lawsuits. What is the righteous measure? When I read this passage, I believed that the emphasis was laying down ones own life for awareness to God. Another idea was posed. Two brothers were sitting at a table discussing this with me and they gave me a broader context of the passage that I was previously unaware of. They stated that they saw the context of this passage to mean the Romans as an evil man, and that submission to them was merely a self preservation of life. I thought long and hard on this. The subject refused to leave my mind. So do I only" not resist an evil man" if my life is in danger as my brothers suggested? This seemed dismissive of the greater thrust of the Heart that I believed that the Savior was pointing out.

No offense to my brothers in this discussion, but I felt to minimize the thrust of the heart issue for the sake of a technicality was to in essence, take away from scripture. In my opinion to  intellectualize the passage is to be guilty of the same mindset that I think the pharisees were getting rebuked for.
Let me give an example:


Who is defined as a neighbor?

And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”  And He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?” And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”  And He said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.”  But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
 Jesus replied and said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead.  And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.  Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion,  and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him.  On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.’ Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers’ hands?”  And he said, “The one who showed mercy toward him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do the same.”

Luke 10


... seeking to justify himself. Do we take this to mean our neighbor is only Jordan, Egypt, Syria and Lebanon? Why would we do that same thing with the context of an Evil man in regards to the Romans. Does not resisting an evil man mean only being nice to North Koreans or Russians as it would be?

It doesn't seem to add up. To try and make that case would either be a mistake in understanding, or an action of  a lawyer seeking to be justified. ( I'd like to remind my readers that my focus is the idea here and not the individuals I was having the conversation with)

What I do see in the Messianic movement as a whole, as I have written several times, is this looming imperialistic intellectualism that is opposite of the heart focus that is becoming prevalent.
 This intellectualism is a breeding ground for pride in one of its most dangerous elements... looking almost right. A person looks at a scripture or a set of scriptures, then they intellectualize the passage to their understanding. Now, based on their understanding, they begin to justify certain actions and thoughts based on their interpretation of a passage. They may then teach their interpretations of a passage or surround themselves with people who will only agree with their interpretation of a passage. Then they being to criticize or rebuke others that do not adhere to their interpretations of a passage.   When in inevitable criticism arises and actions are called into question that is when one of two things will happen, the first being  repentance in humility which is derived from transparency.

Let's look at an example:



 But when Cephas( the Rock, Peter) came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision.  The rest of the Jews joined him in hypocrisy, with the result that even Barnabas was carried away by their hypocrisy.  But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in the presence of all, “If you, being a Jew, live like the Gentiles and not like the Jews, how is it that you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?
Galations 2

and God says the same thing to Peter in Acts 10

 When Peter entered, Cornelius met him, and fell at his feet and worshiped him.  But Peter raised him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am just a man.”  As he talked with him, he entered and found many people assembled.  And he said to them, “You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a man who is a Jew to associate with a foreigner or to visit him; and yet God has shown me that I should not call any man unholy or unclean. That is why I came without even raising any objection when I was sent for. So I ask for what reason you have sent for me.”


Peter owns it and states that he was doing damage with his whole "Us, Them" Mentality. Peter's issue was choosing traditions and imperial intellectualism over people and what we should be doing


"“I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality,  but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right is welcome to Him."

But more often we see the second outcome when ones is question or criticized about  their intellectual interpretation/ vanity/ pride


And He said to them, “Rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written:
‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far away from Me.
 ‘But in vain do they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’
 Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.”
 He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition.  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, is to be put to death’; but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’  you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”

 -Mark 7

Right from the mouth of the Savoir is the EXACT thing that I am discussing. Lawyering. Intellectualizing. Redefining the discussion to a frame that distances from the heart of an issue into one that is more preferably justifiable. Using the commands of God to one's own interpretation to keep from doing the heart of what God calls us to do.


He doesn't stop there. To further emphasize the point I am reiterating look to this passage

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses;  therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them.  They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.  But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments. They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues,  and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men. 8 But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.  Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.  Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ.  But the greatest among you shall be your servant.  Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.

Matthew 23



And this passage


 And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:  “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’  I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Luke 18

But lets get back to that "not resisting and evil man"


 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.  Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12


Bless those who persecute you.  Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

I just cut my own heart out with a broken bottle on that passage.
I don't think I can even finish this blog. The rest of the passages are at the bottom



 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

1 cor 13'

4 [a]What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? [b]Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask [c]with wrong motives, so that you may spend it [d]on your pleasures. 4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “[e]He [f]jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? 6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

James 4



 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another.

John 15

7 For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. 18 No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.”

John 10- The example is that we lay down our lives.