Know your Messianics

James -Spends a lot of time reading online and arguing with memes on facebook posts.

-Will probably hurt your feelings by insulting a doctrine you hold without realizing you hold it

- Will probably hurt your feelings by insulting a doctrine you hold once realizing that you hold it.

- Awkward beard

Brandon
-Begs for money but refuses to get a job, constantly complains about finances
-Asks for money for dream interpretations and gets them wrong
- Names his kids after random Hebrew words like Halecha or Mishpacha
-Hits on married women

Andre -Is the only one from the community that shows up to help you move
-Is a loud talker
- Is never more than 6 inches away from something that he can kill you with if he needed to.
-Drinks an entire bottle of Vodka on his own the first night of sukkot

Karen-Has 4 to 7 kids minimum
-Has more essential oils than a full fledged alchemist
- Excessive tambornining
-Filters discussions through the Talmud

Trevor -Has a fear of geometric shapes and sees all triangles as symbols of the illuminati
-Turns regular sentences into raps for absolutely no reason.
-Attributes EVERY common sense thought to Divine inspiration by The Ruach Ha Kodesh
- Will derail almost every Bible study with some anecdote that has 2% or less of relevance.

Marcus- Is obsessed with astronomy and red blood moons

- Pretends to be too important to socialize at Oneg with anyone not considered a pillar of the community

- Has exclusive line of servants caps or kangol hats

- Will start a conversation by referencing something that only he has studied out but still expects you to understand, but will leave once he realizes you don't understand it.

Derick
-Is the one of the few in the teaching rotation that makes direct connections in the Torah with the Messiah with the emphasis on the Messiah
- Is happy to serve, but it results in picking up far more than his share of the slack
-Gives actual real life helpful advice instead of sound bites or cliché quips
-Genuinely asks how you're doing and makes time to listen to your response

Mitzi- Smiles and acts outrageously friendly
- Spreads gossip in the name of letting people know how to pray for you
-Says she's a Pacifist when what she really means is that she's Passive Aggressive
- Puts raisins in every dish she brings to oneg, regardless of whether they belong there or not

Lanna
- Has chickens

-Will take extra steps to work her specific take on how the Name is pronounced into conversation as much as she is able

- Lectures you on how Monsanto is poisoning you if she sees you drinking a coke

- Most likely showers with headscarf on

Greg- Cant stop himself from adding discredited books to the text

- Filters his understanding of the rest of scripture through discredited texts

- Promotes Youtube teachers that ignore scriptures in favor of pushing "This deep and special knowledge"

- Is certain that the earth is flat

Rod
-Wears a fanny pack and socks with sandals
- Has a vendetta against Chick-Fil-A for no comprehendible reason, but often mutters about the rothschilds and central banking
- Vaguely racist
- Shouldn't be allowed to speak, but usually finds the microphone anyway

Brenda
-Always brings the best tasting food to Oneg and has never caused food poisoning
- Gets mad at you if she has to repeat herself more than twice because you have difficulty understanding her thick accent
-Makes her own soaps and candles
- Tries to match make everyone in the community