You don't want God.

God said something like that to me one day.

I was sitting in a chair praying a normal Christian formula prayer.

I said  with a dry and calloused heart " God, I want to know more of you"


I had tried praying, and things felt stagnant. I knew I had some sin that I wasn't dealing with.
But I prayed, because that is what Christians do. They pray.

So, out those words came.

I don't know why I didn't expect such a blunt response when he replied
"No you don't. You don't want to know more of me. If you wanted to know more of me, you would seek me."

I felt something penetrate my wall of numb emotion. I felt a stirring. 

I searched my heart, and my soul decided to be honest with GOD, who knew when every I was lying anyway.

"You're right " I said, like he didn't know that already " But... I want, to want you more. "

Yeah, I desired the desire to desire him.
God is real, I knew that. God is powerful, I knew that too.  Why is it that I didn't want to chase him?
He saved my soul and I remembered how in the very beginning that I latched on to him. I clung to him fervently. Now, I treated him... well, .... like a thing.

" That, I can work with that" He said to my second request. I'm sure I have told you guys this story in other posts....


But that is what is on my mind.


Who is God in your life?

Who is he?

Really?


I'm not asking you to recite a few passages, or off the top of your head tout some greek-hebrew title.

No.

Who is HE.  ....and do you know Him?

 Do you read the book of John and say

14 And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.


This... THIS is my God... HE is grace upon grace upon grace.



.... and nothing else.





Is that it? Don't get me wrong, that is HUGE..... but.... that is one verse.
There are thousands of verses in the book.


Is he your provider?


but just the provider?



Is he he your redeemer who redeemed you from sin...



..... just so you can keep on sinning?

How much do you love sin?

Certain sins?

That one specific sin?

Do we love that one more than God?

Do we tear out the part of the bible where God told us that one sin isn't okay.


....or do we say, no, God says its fine. MY god says its fine.


We've all done it.
Many of us still do it.
MY god would never tell me that, because this thing that I like... well, I like it. God wants me to be happy. He wants me to be rich and He wants to give me all the stuff that I want...right?


^ take a look at who is really sitting on the throne there.


God wants your heart.  He wants you to surrender.  He wants you to serve Him. He wants your repentance and your confession that YOUR ways are not HIS ways.

He wants you to be free, and the ONLY way to be free is if you let him free you.



.....but He has to be God.  You can't be.
I can't be.

 Thus says the Lord,
“Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind
And makes flesh his strength,
And whose heart turns away from the Lord.


All those moments where we say, I AM GOING TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!for god.
and I WILL DO THAT!!!!!my way.


How big is He?/


It's a whole different story when He says "Listen, move, now, go, do this as I have commanded you!"



I know personally, I want Him in my life. Not just because He gives me stuff and feeds me.  

He isn't just that.

I want Him in my life because HE is so much better than I am. He is so much greater than I have ever been.
He is Holy. He listens. He cares. HE is Just. HE is so so SO much smarter than I can even imagine.
I want Him in my life because He is.

.... and He says to me, If you want to be like me, I will help you walk like me, and talk like me, and I will give you My words, and I will break your chains, and I will show you my power,


I sometimes am reminded how God is so much bigger than we allow Him to be in our lives.


and He is jealous to reveal Himself to us.