Of the Annointed Christ I Ask

I know you...
of you at least.
or maybe more. Maybe I've seen you in my heart.
In my mind I wonder if what I see is a remnant of things you were seeing.
I ask you Son of Man.  I ask you in no elevated tone or stature, for whom am I to ask
I am not any one man that could demand an answer,
but I ask...

How alone were you?
As a man aware of a kingdom... your kingdom,
and your people, angry, violent and proud.
Did it break your heart to look them in the eyes and see their thirst for stature?
How could it not?
How many times did you just want to be alone?
Because they didn't understand.. or many of them didn't care to..
Did you retreat to the shoreline to gaze upon the reflective waters, and reflect upon them?
What crossed your mind? Did you think of the beginning?
When there was just water, and darkness, and a hovering spirit over it?
Where you able think on it? Were you distracted by the swarms of people that crowded around you?
Was there isolation within the company?

Then I think of them, the men, the ones that knew every rule.
They knew the Torah through and through but,
They didn't know what it means to live it. Or, live it right.
I want to know what you saw when you looked in their eyes.
Did you hate them the way God hated  Esau?
Was your anger burning slowly, and righteous?
Or, where you with grief? A sadness dripping in as you peered into their souls and saw them destroying things with the means of imparting life?

I see it.
I've seen it. So many times when I have looked at them.
Occasionally when i've looked within.
Graceless as they were or I've been.
Isn't that the thrust of it all? Compassion, servitude, for us, for each other.
Why is it that we have such a hard time with that?
The taking care of each other.
Isn't that why you washed their feet?
or fed the crowds
or healed them
... It was always for them.
Was your life lonely as it was lived for others, whom lived for themselves?

I know it mattered to you, to matter to them...
How disappointed were you when they wouldn't stay awake for even an hour, in your final hours
Did it annoy you when you told them everything that was going to play out, and even, as it was playing out, and they still did not understand?
Was there any comfort found in the words of the thief, that as he died, he knew you...
that he saw you truly?

Tell me Son of God,
as you are, in what you have done, and what I have seen, as I fall and fail and stagger, and try to stand again...
Will you call me friend?
do you look at me as you did Peter?
My desire is to walk with you, and yet still, the undertow tends to take my focus.
I know you are King, I know you are worthy. I know you are holy.
I know these things. I know them about you,
but it terrifies me that though I know much of you, that I may not really know you.
Will you tell me, if it is pleasing to you, do I see you truly?
Do I know you as you are?

Church Softball. Part 1.

I was sitting in this chair of which I currently write this post from, sipping a can of Coke, when my phone began to buzz. I flipped the top up and pressed it to my ear. It was my brother.
"Hey, what are you doing tonight?" He asked
I looked down at my coke and then across the room to the freezer that currently housed the frozen burritos that I intended to make for dinner.
"I don't have any concrete plans" I respond. Having lame plans isn't the same as having no plans. 
"HOW...Would ... you feel about joining a softball league? .... with me?... tonight?"
I could tell from the slow progression of words that he was probably driving and his attention was slightly divided. 
"Yeah man" I exclaimed " I love baseball, but I don't have a glove"
"We'll get you one" He responded.


Its interesting to me to see that this is how I joined the church league, but it is very similar to how I was saved.  I was about nine going on ten or so, and my brother was staying with us in Santa Fe for a few months.  A knock came to my door followed by it creaking open without a response. His face peered through at me laying on the cleared out spot that I slept. "Hey, you wanna come with me tonight? We're going to go play some football?" I didn't care much for football as it were, baseball was really more my sport but I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to spend some time with my busy brother.  In the back seat of a beat up Chevy, I listened to my brother profess a testament of God, His Son, and the Spirit in which He sends. He spoke of sin, and death, and heaven and hell, the cross and redemption. I politely listened to his story with a slight apathy as a child might if he were to partake in a lecture of the history of British Parliament. Distant figures of long ago times didn't seem to mean much to me. That is, until he enlightened me to an aspect of Gods character that should be true, was absolutely irresistible.  "He'll never leave you, or forsake you" he said.  I couldn't pass that up.  We pulled into the tree lot, where they were holding a bible study, and my brother beaming with joy regaled the tale of my coming to Christ.
They began to crack open their bibles and asked If I wanted to read. "I don't have a bible" I said as I looked to my brother. "We'll get you one" he said with a smile.